One more week with Ben and then I have to leave him in daycare. The closer we get to that day, the more nauseous the thought makes me. We have been visiting his daycare every day and he does okay (as okay as Ben can do with a bunch of strangers and kids). It's a great daycare and we are so lucky that we were able to get him in. The people are really nice, the kids in his class are cute and well-behaved. Still, the thought of him being with other people all day, every day makes me so sad. Today he kissed his daycare worker and I almost broke out in tears. I have gotten maybe one or two "kisses" from him and yes, I was jealous. How is he supposed to know that I am his mommy when he spends the majority of his time with her?
I don't think putting Ben in daycare is in his best interest. He still has some really bad days at home, how is he supposed to be okay to go to daycare? As exhausting and frustrating it can be to be around a child with temper tantrums all day, I do want to be the one to comfort him.
I've sent desperate emails to other AP's who have placed their children in daycare in the hope that their experiences will help calm me, and they did for about 2 seconds.
I knew from the beginning that I would have a hard time with this, but it is even harder than I thought. In Germany most moms stay home for three years before they return to work. That is because that is how long their job has to stay available to them. Here things are different, as we all know.
Right now I really need a miracle to happen.