Some basic Korean vocabulary for adoptive parents:
Lesson One
Lesson Two
Lesson Three
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Second hand pregnancy
One of my best friends is currently pregnant with her first baby, and she is due in May (around the same time we are hoping to receive our referral).
Since my baby will come ready made, so to speak, I really have not thought much about pregnancy and fetus development beyond potential health problems our child might have.
While I am attending waiting parents meetings, reading about attachment, and learning about Korea, she is going to doctor's appointments, reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting", and learning about her growing baby. And I am learning all kinds of things about pregnancy and how babies develop, which I would have never known otherwise. Like how fetuses are covered in fuzz and pee in the mom's womb. Those may have been bits of knowledge that I could've lived without, but it's really cool for me to experience pregnancy "second hand" because after all, our baby developed in its first mom's womb and its life did not start as a 9 month old (or however old it may be at that time) when it comes home.
It is great to be on the path to motherhood at the same time, and while our paths to get there are different, in the end we'll still have many of the same joys and worries.
In the meantime, I will enjoy unpasteurized cheese, salami, and cocktails!
Since my baby will come ready made, so to speak, I really have not thought much about pregnancy and fetus development beyond potential health problems our child might have.
While I am attending waiting parents meetings, reading about attachment, and learning about Korea, she is going to doctor's appointments, reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting", and learning about her growing baby. And I am learning all kinds of things about pregnancy and how babies develop, which I would have never known otherwise. Like how fetuses are covered in fuzz and pee in the mom's womb. Those may have been bits of knowledge that I could've lived without, but it's really cool for me to experience pregnancy "second hand" because after all, our baby developed in its first mom's womb and its life did not start as a 9 month old (or however old it may be at that time) when it comes home.
It is great to be on the path to motherhood at the same time, and while our paths to get there are different, in the end we'll still have many of the same joys and worries.
In the meantime, I will enjoy unpasteurized cheese, salami, and cocktails!
One year ago today
On November 15th of last year, we spent the day at our adoption agency for our pre-adoption class. How can it have been a year already?
We were a mixed crowd, with three couples pursuing international adoption, and three couples in the domestic adoption program. Some of us already had children at home, others would be waiting for their first child. One couple was actually expecting their first child through birth at that time.
What stayed with me, even after a year, is the amazing experience of realizing that adoption feels like the right way to build our family. This event is also when I learned to always bring tissues to adoption events. Our group discussed issues of fertility (or rather lack thereof), race, raising a child from a different culture, and incorporating the first family into our lives, and at some point or another every woman in the room was in tears.
The most important part of the day were our speakers. They included a first mother who made an adoption plan for her daughter (for an open adoption), an adoptee who is now in reunion with her first family, and adoptive parents who brought their son home from Korea a few months earlier. Especially having the birth mother and adoptee there to speak to us was such an important experience. When in real life would we ever be able to ask such personal questions and actually have them answered?
Unfortunately we lost touch with most of the couples, but I did meet a good friend that day who is also waiting for her child from Korea. I do know that one of the couples in the domestic program was matched with their son this year and I am so happy for them.
We were a mixed crowd, with three couples pursuing international adoption, and three couples in the domestic adoption program. Some of us already had children at home, others would be waiting for their first child. One couple was actually expecting their first child through birth at that time.
What stayed with me, even after a year, is the amazing experience of realizing that adoption feels like the right way to build our family. This event is also when I learned to always bring tissues to adoption events. Our group discussed issues of fertility (or rather lack thereof), race, raising a child from a different culture, and incorporating the first family into our lives, and at some point or another every woman in the room was in tears.
The most important part of the day were our speakers. They included a first mother who made an adoption plan for her daughter (for an open adoption), an adoptee who is now in reunion with her first family, and adoptive parents who brought their son home from Korea a few months earlier. Especially having the birth mother and adoptee there to speak to us was such an important experience. When in real life would we ever be able to ask such personal questions and actually have them answered?
Unfortunately we lost touch with most of the couples, but I did meet a good friend that day who is also waiting for her child from Korea. I do know that one of the couples in the domestic program was matched with their son this year and I am so happy for them.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Where is God in all of this?
Do I dare discuss religion?
Many adoptive parents believe that it was God who gave them the miracle of their child, and many times when the wait seems to become unbearable, advice and consolation such as "God's timing is perfect" is given.
But shouldn't God have given our child's birth parents the miracle of raising their child, and shouldn't God have made the timing perfect for this child's biological parents? Why should His timing be perfect for us but not them?
I really have a hard time with the notion that God meant this child to grow up with us as their parents. Surely He did not mean for a birth mother to go through so much pain and anguish so I could experience the joy of parenting her child. How can He plan for one woman to have to make such a difficult choice and a child to experience so much loss?
I am struggling with wrapping my head around the concept that this is how things were meant to be, for all that are involved.
I have always believed that things in my life have happened for a reason, and it's been an amazing ride. And while I can embrace that adoption is a miracle in my life, my heart breaks for this unknown woman who will go through a loss I cannot even begin to imagine, and I currently fail to see how this pregnancy could have happened for a reason that will ultimately lead her to a place of happiness.
Many adoptive parents believe that it was God who gave them the miracle of their child, and many times when the wait seems to become unbearable, advice and consolation such as "God's timing is perfect" is given.
But shouldn't God have given our child's birth parents the miracle of raising their child, and shouldn't God have made the timing perfect for this child's biological parents? Why should His timing be perfect for us but not them?
I really have a hard time with the notion that God meant this child to grow up with us as their parents. Surely He did not mean for a birth mother to go through so much pain and anguish so I could experience the joy of parenting her child. How can He plan for one woman to have to make such a difficult choice and a child to experience so much loss?
I am struggling with wrapping my head around the concept that this is how things were meant to be, for all that are involved.
I have always believed that things in my life have happened for a reason, and it's been an amazing ride. And while I can embrace that adoption is a miracle in my life, my heart breaks for this unknown woman who will go through a loss I cannot even begin to imagine, and I currently fail to see how this pregnancy could have happened for a reason that will ultimately lead her to a place of happiness.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
We're two months into our official wait!
Not that I'm counting ....
Going by the current averages for our agency we're only 4-6 months away from our referral! That's assuming that we will fall into that average time span, which I am certainly hoping! I know there's nothing for granted in international adoption and that timeframes change on a whimsy, but it's good to feel like we are making some progress here. Hopefully we'll have the little one home next fall! I'm already so excited about travelling to Korea and it sounds like late summer/fall would be a beautiful time to go.
Going by the current averages for our agency we're only 4-6 months away from our referral! That's assuming that we will fall into that average time span, which I am certainly hoping! I know there's nothing for granted in international adoption and that timeframes change on a whimsy, but it's good to feel like we are making some progress here. Hopefully we'll have the little one home next fall! I'm already so excited about travelling to Korea and it sounds like late summer/fall would be a beautiful time to go.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
OK, so I am caving.
I really didn't want to buy anything until we got a referral. Since I am the only woman on the planet who hates shopping, that really shouldn't be that hard to do. Or so I thought. It turns out that baby stuff may be the one thing I actually enjoy buying. We're holding off on stuff like clothes until we know who our child is, but are keeping our eyes out for good deals on the bigger stuff. With this being our first child, we have literally nothing, and aren't even sure of what we need. So if we come across things that we love and that are reasonably priced, we'll just buy them.
I did start a mini-shopping spree on Amazon and ordered some books. This child better like books as much as we do!
P.S.: We're already a month into our wait!
I did start a mini-shopping spree on Amazon and ordered some books. This child better like books as much as we do!
P.S.: We're already a month into our wait!
Why I envy pregnant women
Here's why I envy pregnant women:
1. They have to wait only 9 months from conception to holding that baby in their arms.
2. They have a growing belly to prove to the world (and themselves) that they are going to have a child.
3. Everywhere they go, they are the center of attention (see #2)
4. They have a due date!
5. They don't have to defend their love for their unborn child.
6. They have their own parking spots.
7. What great excuse for leaving work early!
8. Paid maternity leave.
1. They have to wait only 9 months from conception to holding that baby in their arms.
2. They have a growing belly to prove to the world (and themselves) that they are going to have a child.
3. Everywhere they go, they are the center of attention (see #2)
4. They have a due date!
5. They don't have to defend their love for their unborn child.
6. They have their own parking spots.
7. What great excuse for leaving work early!
8. Paid maternity leave.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Alison Larkin is coming to town!
.jpg "Alison Larkin")
We saw Alison Larkin during an adoption conference earlier this year and thought she was brilliant. I am so excited that she will be back in the area this year and we will definitely see her!To find out if she is coming to your neck of the woods, check her website: http://www.alisonlarkin.com/appearances.htm
She is absolutely fabulous and a must see!
Her book, The English American, is a great read. (No, I am not getting a cut of the profits, I am just a fan).
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Officially Waiting!
Today our homestudy, along with some other paperwork, was sent to Korea and we are now officially waiting for our referral!
The average wait time until referral is currently 6 - 8 months, but I do know of several people who received theirs in 3 -4 months.
I'm excited!
The average wait time until referral is currently 6 - 8 months, but I do know of several people who received theirs in 3 -4 months.
I'm excited!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I-171H issued AND received!
After taking up our adoption officer's entire day with a long email conversation about our missing I-171H (that's the approval for the I-600A, for those that are keeping track of form numbers) and almost having a heart attack when USCIS asked for our home study update to be faxed (should that not have been there all along?), all is good. USCIS reissued the document and the lady was nice enough to even fax a copy of the I-171H to me. Unfortuntately our contact at the agency had already left for the long weekend (just a couple of minutes earlier), but now our file is FINALLY ready to go to Korea and will hopefully do so on Tuesday. Hallelujah.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Great News!
I emailed the USCIS office yesterday and very promptly received a very polite response that our I-600A was approved last week!! Yay! My guess is that either it got lost in the mail or they mailed it to the old address. I am to contact them again if I don't receive it by the end of the week and they will mail another one. So by the end of next week our home study should be able to go to Korea. Woohoo!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
This should not be taking this long
You are sick of listening to me whine about the lack of I-600A approval, and I am sick of waiting and wondering what went wrong this time. I have semi-official confirmation that this is taking way too long, and it looks like our agency is going to contact USCIS soon to ask about the status of our application *gasp*. Contacting USCIS is a huge deal, since they are usually not to be bothered, and since contacting them makes them like you even less and can even have an adverse effect on the speed your paperwork is being processed at. In this state, we all live in fear of the USCIS lady! By now I am scared that they are going to deny us, which is actually pretty unheard of, but with all the mishaps we've already had, who knows.
I am honestly feeling like I am making this whole adoption thing up. I will soon be travelling to Germany and had planned to do some shopping for the baby, as some of the things available in Germany are hard to come by here, but I really don't think I can get myself to buy anything for this elusive baby. I mean, we're not even offically waiting on a referral!
Since we moved in our home, which was previoulsy inhabited by a family with 3 children, we've been on the receiving end of tons upon tons of catalogs and magazines pertaining to babies, children, and all things purchasable for them. I browse through them, but don't even feel like this stuff will ever be applicable to me.
I am honestly feeling like I am making this whole adoption thing up. I will soon be travelling to Germany and had planned to do some shopping for the baby, as some of the things available in Germany are hard to come by here, but I really don't think I can get myself to buy anything for this elusive baby. I mean, we're not even offically waiting on a referral!
Since we moved in our home, which was previoulsy inhabited by a family with 3 children, we've been on the receiving end of tons upon tons of catalogs and magazines pertaining to babies, children, and all things purchasable for them. I browse through them, but don't even feel like this stuff will ever be applicable to me.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Back to Waiting on USCIS
We're in our new house! We were so lucky, once the last box was in the house it started pouring. Now we're busy unpacking and learning our way around our new neighborhood. I can't go anywhere without my GPS.
It's a total culture shock going from being so close to the city to the suburbs, but I am sure we will get used to it soon.
Our social worker came to see us on Sunday and we made our way through the boxes to show her around the house. It was a quick visit, and we were done within an hour.
Today our agency notified us that they sent the updated home study and all supporting documents to USCIS. Yay! I really hope that the 9 - 12 week wait for approval does not start all over. And I hope that this time around we actually do get an approval!
It's a total culture shock going from being so close to the city to the suburbs, but I am sure we will get used to it soon.
Our social worker came to see us on Sunday and we made our way through the boxes to show her around the house. It was a quick visit, and we were done within an hour.
Today our agency notified us that they sent the updated home study and all supporting documents to USCIS. Yay! I really hope that the 9 - 12 week wait for approval does not start all over. And I hope that this time around we actually do get an approval!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Trucking along
Ironically, since I know that it is currently impossible to get the approval from USCIS, I am feeling much better. I guess I just can't stand the unknown.
We're gathering paperwork for our home study update, and our social worker will visit our new home in 1.5 weeks, right after we move in.
In the meantime, we've been crazy busy. We finally realized that movers are not magically going to appear out of the blue, and that we actually have to pack up our stuff ourselves. Imagine that. So we're frantically trying to jam our belongings into boxes. Where did all that stuff come from? Why have we been lugging it with us every single move? I don't know, but it is coming with.
I've also been super stressed at work, which is such a blessing in disguise, because while I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I have absolutely no time to think about the adoption.
Hopefully this next week will fly by and we'll be in our new place next Friday. and ready for the social worker visit. I am also praying that our home study update will be completed on time to go to USCIS before their deadline. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
We're gathering paperwork for our home study update, and our social worker will visit our new home in 1.5 weeks, right after we move in.
In the meantime, we've been crazy busy. We finally realized that movers are not magically going to appear out of the blue, and that we actually have to pack up our stuff ourselves. Imagine that. So we're frantically trying to jam our belongings into boxes. Where did all that stuff come from? Why have we been lugging it with us every single move? I don't know, but it is coming with.
I've also been super stressed at work, which is such a blessing in disguise, because while I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I have absolutely no time to think about the adoption.
Hopefully this next week will fly by and we'll be in our new place next Friday. and ready for the social worker visit. I am also praying that our home study update will be completed on time to go to USCIS before their deadline. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
You've got mail - it's just not what you hope it is
When I saw that we had mail from USCIS today, I got very excited. But when I saw that it was on white paper, my excitement quickly dwindled.
On a positive note, we know that someone has touched our file. On a not so positive one, there has been a royal screw up regarding some documents and our home study, and we're going to be back to paperchasing again. So after almost 7 months of this, we're back at the beginning.
Please excuse me while I have a screaming fit and my first official nervous breakdown of this adoption.
On a positive note, we know that someone has touched our file. On a not so positive one, there has been a royal screw up regarding some documents and our home study, and we're going to be back to paperchasing again. So after almost 7 months of this, we're back at the beginning.
Please excuse me while I have a screaming fit and my first official nervous breakdown of this adoption.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Note to Self
Thinking about the lady at the local USCIS office every single waking moment does not make her process our I-600A any faster. Must find new things to obsess about.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What to say when someone tells you they're adopting.
What's the appropriate thing to say when someone tells you they're adopting?
One word: "Congratulations!"
You might also say: "That is wonderful news", "I am so happy for you", or as one of my friends put it " Omigod, you're having a baby!"
Things I personally don't want to hear right after my announcement:
"My aunt/co-worker/friend's cousin adopted a child"
And why should I care? Unless one of your best friends adopted, and you were therefore involved in the process, or I also know the person you are referring to, I frankly don't care. It makes it sound like you're trying to make me feel like it's okay to adopt and I'm not the only one. Which are not facts that are new to me. Or you're trying to tell me that you know all about adoption, which unless one of your very close friends went through it, you don't. And quite frankly, and maybe selfishly, this moment is not about you, it's about me!
"My friend/husband's niece's brother-in-law/some random person I've heard of adopted and they had to give the child back"
also: "XYZ adopted and their child turned out to be mentally ill/handicapped"
That's like you telling me that you're pregnant and me responding with "I have a friend that was pregnant and she lost her child in the 8th month of pregnancy" or "My co-worker was pregnant and her child was born with no feet and they had to carry him everywhere for the rest of his life".
And this is one I just love: "XYZ adopted - and then they got pregnant."
Sure, there's nothing like adoption to cure someone's alleged infertility. I guess if this is your answer, you are assuming that they were infertile, and still desperatly want a bio child, and that the same is the case for me. (I suspect you must also be one of those people who give advice like "Just relax and you'll get pregnant" or "My friend tried to become pregnant for 4 years and then went to the beach and came back preggers"). This comment is offensive to everyone; those who indeed struggled with infertility, and those who chose adoption even if they might be able to have bio kids.
Seriously, people, a simple "congrats" will do!
One word: "Congratulations!"
You might also say: "That is wonderful news", "I am so happy for you", or as one of my friends put it " Omigod, you're having a baby!"
Things I personally don't want to hear right after my announcement:
"My aunt/co-worker/friend's cousin adopted a child"
And why should I care? Unless one of your best friends adopted, and you were therefore involved in the process, or I also know the person you are referring to, I frankly don't care. It makes it sound like you're trying to make me feel like it's okay to adopt and I'm not the only one. Which are not facts that are new to me. Or you're trying to tell me that you know all about adoption, which unless one of your very close friends went through it, you don't. And quite frankly, and maybe selfishly, this moment is not about you, it's about me!
"My friend/husband's niece's brother-in-law/some random person I've heard of adopted and they had to give the child back"
also: "XYZ adopted and their child turned out to be mentally ill/handicapped"
That's like you telling me that you're pregnant and me responding with "I have a friend that was pregnant and she lost her child in the 8th month of pregnancy" or "My co-worker was pregnant and her child was born with no feet and they had to carry him everywhere for the rest of his life".
And this is one I just love: "XYZ adopted - and then they got pregnant."
Sure, there's nothing like adoption to cure someone's alleged infertility. I guess if this is your answer, you are assuming that they were infertile, and still desperatly want a bio child, and that the same is the case for me. (I suspect you must also be one of those people who give advice like "Just relax and you'll get pregnant" or "My friend tried to become pregnant for 4 years and then went to the beach and came back preggers"). This comment is offensive to everyone; those who indeed struggled with infertility, and those who chose adoption even if they might be able to have bio kids.
Seriously, people, a simple "congrats" will do!
Hmmmm
So when I thought I would be able to relax while waiting for the I-600A approval, I was wrong! It's almost been four weeks since we were fingerprinted, and obviously we haven't heard anything from USCIS. We don't know if our fingerprints were approved, and if so, when. I hate not knowing! For all I know, they could've lost our paperwork. It's been a little over 6 months since we officially started this process, and somehow I don't feel like we've made any progress (even though in my head I know we have).
I just found out that two of my friends are pregnant, and I am so happy for them! I don't envy them for having to get big (and bigger), having morning sickness, having to give birth (that can't feel good), and having to deal with a newborn, but I very much envy the fact that they have a due date! How cool would it be to know the approximate date, plus/minus two weeks, on which you'll become a parent!
I just found out that two of my friends are pregnant, and I am so happy for them! I don't envy them for having to get big (and bigger), having morning sickness, having to give birth (that can't feel good), and having to deal with a newborn, but I very much envy the fact that they have a due date! How cool would it be to know the approximate date, plus/minus two weeks, on which you'll become a parent!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
USCIS
We got our appointment to be fingerprinted in the mail today.Of course our appointment will be on a weekday in the middle of the day, so I'll have to take an entire day off work (in this town, my 10 mile drive to work takes about 1 - 2 hours).
I don't want to jinx it, but so far I'm very happy with our USCIS office, even though they have one of the longest processing times. I've personally had a great experience with USCIS (in a different state though) when I became a citizen, so I am hopeful that things go well again this time. I don't want to think about the horror stories that I've heard (and know to be true).
Most USCIS offices have one (or more) employees dedicated only to adoption cases. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as if the states with more cases get more personnel. In some offices the turn around time for orphan visas is literally days (many of the offices in the Mid-West fall in that category), and other offices take 3 months and longer. Our neighboring state processes visas in about a month, ours takes three. The USCIS office in Orlando was even taking 5-7 months!
I wish the government would make more funds available to staff all offices appropriately, especially for the processing of the I-600. This is the visa you have to apply for once you've been matched with a specific child (which is in the far future for us), while the I-600A, which we've just applied for, is a general permission for us to bring an orphan to the United States.
While slow processing times for the I-600A are holding up the process for us, the wait for the I-600 will be much more painful.
Imagine being pregnant for 20 months or longer, and then you finally give birth to the child you have been dreaming about for so long. The hospital staff takes the baby - YOUR baby - but instead of putting it in your arms, they only show it to you briefly. It is the most beautiful child you have ever seen, and you ache to hold it. But they don't hand you the child; they whisk it away and tell you that you now you have to wait for your paperwork to process, which will take 3 - 6 months. During that time, all you have are a few pictures to look at and monthly updates about the progress your child is making - without you.
While bureaucracy is necessary, I would love to see an improvement in those wait times!
I don't want to jinx it, but so far I'm very happy with our USCIS office, even though they have one of the longest processing times. I've personally had a great experience with USCIS (in a different state though) when I became a citizen, so I am hopeful that things go well again this time. I don't want to think about the horror stories that I've heard (and know to be true).
Most USCIS offices have one (or more) employees dedicated only to adoption cases. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as if the states with more cases get more personnel. In some offices the turn around time for orphan visas is literally days (many of the offices in the Mid-West fall in that category), and other offices take 3 months and longer. Our neighboring state processes visas in about a month, ours takes three. The USCIS office in Orlando was even taking 5-7 months!
I wish the government would make more funds available to staff all offices appropriately, especially for the processing of the I-600. This is the visa you have to apply for once you've been matched with a specific child (which is in the far future for us), while the I-600A, which we've just applied for, is a general permission for us to bring an orphan to the United States.
While slow processing times for the I-600A are holding up the process for us, the wait for the I-600 will be much more painful.
Imagine being pregnant for 20 months or longer, and then you finally give birth to the child you have been dreaming about for so long. The hospital staff takes the baby - YOUR baby - but instead of putting it in your arms, they only show it to you briefly. It is the most beautiful child you have ever seen, and you ache to hold it. But they don't hand you the child; they whisk it away and tell you that you now you have to wait for your paperwork to process, which will take 3 - 6 months. During that time, all you have are a few pictures to look at and monthly updates about the progress your child is making - without you.
While bureaucracy is necessary, I would love to see an improvement in those wait times!
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