I knew this would happen, I just wasn't sure when. In the midst of aching for our son to come home, I am slowly starting to panic about becoming a mother. Actually, the panic set in as we were standing at Lowes and I was eyeing a chaise for our patio when the husband asked me when I planned on using this. I said "You know, in the summer" and he started to laugh and pointed out that I would probably not be sitting or lying down again - ever.
How am I supposed to be a MOTHER? How can they let me be responsible for another human being?
Did we really think this through? And - am I really that old?
What is wrong with sleeping in, going on spontaneous trips (well, semi-spontaneous, since the husband likes to plan things in minute detail), eating out, and saving for retirement? What's wrong with not having to deal with diapers and meltdowns? What is wrong with not having a teenager who tells you he hates you? What is wrong with doing whatever we feel like doing?
Will I have to stop eating junk food in front of the TV (a habit I acquired after moving to the US) and what about all the inappropriate things I say?
I still don't really have a clue what it will actually be like to be a mom, but slowly it's starting to sink in that this really is going to be a major life change. Just like everyone says.
I finally followed the advice of some felllow AP's and bought "What to expect - the toddler years" and was almost surprised to read that there are other issues than attachment and transition related challenges. Yes, you may laugh at me. I'm getting a little worried about what I will actually do with Ben. How do you entertain a toddler? In my fantasy I imagine us taking walks in the woods near our house, Ben playing in a sandbox, and me reading to him on a rainy day. We'll take him to the beach and the mountains, we'll picnic near the Capitol and explore the Smithsonians. I am clearly delusional!
You read my mind! I am so excited but at the same time terrified! You are in good company.
ReplyDeleteWell honestly you are not delusional - all those visions of sandbox play and rainy day reading are sure to come true!! Sure, a toddler is work, but the good kind of work. And sure, you will never again have a problem falling asleep at night at you will most likely be asleep before your head hits the pillow, but it will be so worth it. Once you have that little fella you will be so in love, and your wants will kinda go out the window. I had similar feelings you are having now when my oldest was a tiny newborn. I panicked, but eventually got in a groove and fell head over heels in love.
ReplyDeleteYou will be a great mamma - don't worry!
I'm not going to sugar-coat this... going from no kids to a toddler is REALLY hard. I had many days where I cried over the loss of my old self. It was sooooo hard. But the joy of having my baby made it tolerable. You *will* have some hard days ahead of you. But on the balance, the good far outweighs the bad. And the good is SO good :)
ReplyDeleteI remember having the same kind of panic attacks prior to O coming home, and I think they're good little reality checks b/c it won't all be perfect and easy.
But your husband is wrong: you *will* have days/times you can relax. It may be awhile, but you'll make them happen :)
(PS - we talked about this issue at length on my adoptive moms' forum - email me if you want the info. littlelizajane(at)gmail(dot)com
Your worrying is so normal! I think everyone goes through that to an extent. I know I did! It is a hard adjustment, but you will be able to handle it. You will find ways to fill your days and things to do with Ben, and once in awhile you'll even get to sleep in again! Relax--you will be a great mama!
ReplyDeleteSandra, like I posted, you and I are going to have to be on speed dial so we can fill each other in on all that we don't know!! Remember, no clue about the toothbrush thing!! I think as we get older, we are more comfortable with not being perfect - which is a good thing! You are not alone at all and I know you will be a great mom!
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