I knew this would happen, I just wasn't sure when. In the midst of aching for our son to come home, I am slowly starting to panic about becoming a mother. Actually, the panic set in as we were standing at Lowes and I was eyeing a chaise for our patio when the husband asked me when I planned on using this. I said "You know, in the summer" and he started to laugh and pointed out that I would probably not be sitting or lying down again - ever.
How am I supposed to be a MOTHER? How can they let me be responsible for another human being?
Did we really think this through? And - am I really that old?
What is wrong with sleeping in, going on spontaneous trips (well, semi-spontaneous, since the husband likes to plan things in minute detail), eating out, and saving for retirement? What's wrong with not having to deal with diapers and meltdowns? What is wrong with not having a teenager who tells you he hates you? What is wrong with doing whatever we feel like doing?
Will I have to stop eating junk food in front of the TV (a habit I acquired after moving to the US) and what about all the inappropriate things I say?
I still don't really have a clue what it will actually be like to be a mom, but slowly it's starting to sink in that this really is going to be a major life change. Just like everyone says.
I finally followed the advice of some felllow AP's and bought "What to expect - the toddler years" and was almost surprised to read that there are other issues than attachment and transition related challenges. Yes, you may laugh at me. I'm getting a little worried about what I will actually do with Ben. How do you entertain a toddler? In my fantasy I imagine us taking walks in the woods near our house, Ben playing in a sandbox, and me reading to him on a rainy day. We'll take him to the beach and the mountains, we'll picnic near the Capitol and explore the Smithsonians. I am clearly delusional!