Sunday, November 29, 2009

A Heavy Heart

Lately I have been thinking much about the ethics and necessity of adoption.

I've been reading about birth parents and grown adoptees, their heartbreaks and struggles. I've been reading the opinions of those that think adoption is evil, and that adoptive parents buy children. I've been reading more moderate opinions of those that think (IMO rightfully so) that there is a lot wrong with adoption today, and there needs to be a sweeping reform.

I've been thinking about how I can justify fulfilling my desire to adopt while there are so many things that need to be changed about adoption. The last thing I want is to contribute to a first mother losing her child, just because I want to adopt. Would I be doing that? I know there are those that believe we a-parents are the root of all evil and without us most children would be growing up with their birthfamily. They call us greedy and naive.

Some people believe that all a-parents are rich and infertile, and adoption is the only way they can have children. But that's not the case. Most families who adopt are middle class, and many of us struggle with the cost of adoption. And yes, 80% of couples adopt after infertility, but that still leaves 20% of people who choose adoption over having biological children. Are there people who would do anything to have a child, even if it meant knowingly taking away children from their families? I am sure. Does this represent the majority of a-parents? No.

It's our responsibility as a-parents to be fully informed about all aspects of adoption, but it is hard to find objective information. Is there even such a thing in adoption? I am beginning to think that there is very little information that isn't somehow "tainted" in one way or the other. It is such an emotional topic for all that are involved, and many seem to paint adoption in a way that makes them feel better about the role that they play in it, whether they're first mothers, adoptees, or a-parents.

I am having a hard time coming up with an answer to the question: If it weren't for international adoption, would my child not grow up in a family? That's what our family should be - a last resort for this child.

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