Saturday, January 24, 2009

I'm so sorry you have to adopt

While we've just begun this process, there has already been enough time for people to make inappropriate comments.

I realize that adoption is a foreign concept to many whose lives haven't been touched by it. I still don't know much about it, even after reading and talking about it for several months.

So let me lay it out what adoption means to me, and which comments really push my buttons.

1. I am so sorry you have to adopt.

We don't have to adopt.

Adoption is viewed by many as a last resort for those that weren't lucky enough to become pregnant.
While it is true that we probably wouldn't have pursued this journey had we been successful in TTC, adoption is in no way a second-best choice.
When we revisited our desire to add to our family, I was very clear that I did not want to have a biological child. We by no means exhausted the endless possibilities that fertility treatments offer these days. We didn't even come close.

Adoption is our first choice.

Everyone's journey to adoption is different, but let me tell you that none of us have to adopt. In fact, many of the couples in the process would be devastated to find out that they are pregnant. Our future children are real to us. And they are in no way second best.

2. You are so noble to give a child a good home

We are not adopting a child out of charity. It is a natural way for us to extend our family. This child will not be lucky to have us as parents, but we will be lucky to have our child bless our lives.

3. I could never love a child that is not my own

Neither could I. This child will be my own. I will be his real mother. While we will not create our child's life in a literal sense, we will be there to love and support him or her no matter what. It will not be like our own child, it will be our own child.

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