Saturday, January 24, 2009

Bare your soul

One of the most difficult parts of the process so far has been having to bare our souls to so many strangers. While this is the same thing I am doing on this blog, it is much more difficult to open up in front of others that are there to judge your ability to become a parent. Both Dad-To-Be and I are private people (OK, so he is a lot more private than I am, given that I am publishing this blog), and it is hard to sit in front of someone and talk about the ups and downs in your life and your relationship.

As a part of our paperwork for this adoption, we had to write a 6 - 8 page autobiography summarizing the defining moments in our lives. At first I thought it would be a breeze. I certainly have had a life interesting enough to easily fill 8 pages! But soon I found myself stuck. Reflecting on my life, as blessed as it has been, was a lot harder than I imagined. Rather than taking a brief few hours, as I had anticipated, I labored over this paper for many weekends. My first draft focused on all the difficuties I have had, but with every overhaul I became more and more aware that the harder times in my life really took a backseat to all the amazing things I have been able to experience.

And while I know that writing the autobiography and speaking to our agency and, later on, our social worker, is good, and is necessary, it is still hard to put yourself out there for everyone to judge.

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