Saturday, April 3, 2010

My Imaginary Friend

I think about our son's birth mother a lot. Where does she live, what does she do, how does she feel about placing her son? I am so incredibly sad for her that she won't see this precious boy grow up. I could never imagine what she felt when she placed him, but it breaks my heart just trying to imagine. I could also never imagine how she feels now, I just hope she was able to find some sort of peace, even though I am not sure if that is possible.

We're lucky to have a good bit of information about her, but somehow for me it's not enough. I wish there was more, I wish it was more specific. It's enough to conjure up a picture of her in my mind, but I admit that my image of her is probably completely wrong. You just can't sum up a person on a single piece of paper.
If someone described me in three words it could be that I like reading, sleeping, and eating, or it could be that I love traveling, sightseeing, and photography. One is making me sound a little more boring than the other. Both are correct, but incomplete.
Anyway, I have successfully managed to create a fantasy of what I believe she must be like, and I have developed a deep desire to meet her. In my head we would be best friends, which I intellectually know would most likely not happen in real life. How could she ever want to be friends with the woman who is raising her child?

I hope that maybe, one day, we will get to meet. Maybe, one day, she will be able to see her son.

1 comment:

  1. Sandra, I think she would be very happy to have you as her friend, and feel blessed to know that you both have such a deep love for Ben as your son. I hope you and Ben do get to meet her some day and that you all find peace in knowing each other.