Friday, January 8, 2010

Really, you can believe me. And yes, I am ranting again.

I realize that for the rest of my life people will see that I am an adoptive mom and come to their own conclusions as to how and why I went that path, and I also realize that I will have to live with the fact that everyone from close friends to strangers on the street will believe their own truth about me more than what is actually true. But there are a few things I need to put in writing, because some of these assumptions are VERY annoying already.

So, here are some things you should know:

1. I do not want to be pregnant. Really, I don't.
There is not an ounce of me that feels like I am missing out because I am not carrying our baby. It doesn't bother me when I am around pregnant people, and it doesn't bother me when people talk about their pregnancies, other than the fact that I cannot relate. I would say that I am about as curious about pregnancies as most pregnant people are about adoption. It's interesting to hear about to some extent, but I have no desire to experience it myself. I honestly have no idea if I could become pregnant if I just tried long enough/medicated enough, so if I really cared about pregnancy, I would have tried much, much harder to go that path.

And along the same lines:

2. We did not choose adoption because we weren't able to have bio kids. Again, had we cared enough, we would have went much farther in our attempts to have a bio child. Really, trying to conceive for a year about 5 years ago was not that much effort, and while very frustrating at the time, I am over it. Yes, really.

3. I am not sad that my child will not be an infant when he/she comes home.
While I may change my mind about this at a later point, I don't feel like I am missing out by not experiencing a newborn. I am sad that I won't get to witness our child's life from the beginning, but I don't have a burning desire to have an infant at home. I don't know what to do with tiny babies, and quite honestly find them a little boring.

4. I don't need my child to look like me.
I am fully aware that my child will look nothing like me. And I am okay with that. It's not supposed to look like me! I am aware that our family will stand out in public. And that people's reactions will annoy me. But I am proud of the kind of family we will be. I don't want to pretend that we are anything but an adoptive family, because that is just what we are.


  1. I feel the same way. I never tried to become pregnant and I don't think I missed anything. My baby came home at 11 1/2 months and i don't really think I missed that much. We never think about the time we didn't have him. My friends babies just lie there. :) I never think about how my baby is asian and I'm a mixed conglomerate of something white and Indian. There are a lot of people like us. I'm always happy to find another! :) Although, coming home with a 1 year old is a lot. They are go go go. I LOVE it!!!!!

  2. Amber, I can only imagine what it will be like to come home with a child that can probably walk and will get into everything. At least it will not be boring!

    And I am glad to see that I am not the only one who is completely fine with not being pregnant. Somehow that seems vey hard for most people to understand.

  3. I love this post!! Perfectly said - and you are definitely not alone!

    Susan (Holt BB)

  4. On different lines, I have comments lately that majorly annoy me. I can understand what you are saying. I have two bio kids, and pregnancy for me is really rough, with it ending in another definate c-sec and I am so so happy to go down a different road this time and adopt from Korea. I hope you get your referral soon!!!