One year ago - part two

(My plan was to write this post yesterday, on the anniversary of our referral, but after having to pull Ben off our kitchen table no less than 14 times and then a mega tantrum at the rec center and mini tantrums the rest of day, quite frankly I didn't have the energy).

One ago (yesterday), just like every day, I drove by our adoption agency on my way to work. I knew that we were in the range of the average timeframe for referral and my anticipation had been building within the last couple of days. Every single day on my way to work I would think about what it would feel like to get the call and I would play it all out in my head.

My morning at work consisted of frantically checking blogs and message boards to stalk people's timelines that I already had memorized. Then, around 9 a.m., I made my cup of oatmeal and my co-workers started coming to work. I was slouching in my office chair thinking that I really needed to get some work done when my phone rang. Now, for the past month I had a heart attack every single time my phone rang. Which is a lot. And then I saw the caller ID. My eyes immediately teared up when I saw it was our agency and my heart leapt, but I tried to convince myself that they must be calling for another reason. I tried to sound super casual on the phone.

And then I heard the words "We have good news. We have your referral."

I immediately started sobbing and screamed "I'm going to be a mom!" and every single person who was in ear's reach came running and watched me as I was still holding the phone sobbing and unable to say anything other than "Oh my God". After I was finally able to establish with my agency that we could come by at any time, there was lots of crying and hugging by everyone and it took several minutes for me to realize that I had to call my husband. By the time I was able to get through to him I was sobbing again and unable to say anything other than ask if he could leave work and meet me. He asked if I was okay and I was able to get a "yes" out. Then there was quiet on the other end of the phone and he said "Did we get it?"

While he left work and drove to our agency I made a call to one of my best friends and headed out to get tea with my boss and co-workers. It was surreal. I was in complete shock. I was about to find out whether I had a son or daughter, and I was going to see my child's face. I was shaking all over. I had a hard time processing what was happening.

As I walked down to the agency my husband pulled into the parking lot and we walked in together. We were moments away from holding that magical packet in our hands.

Then, finally, we were handed the all important papers and a box of tissues.

And we saw this face:

Ben, we love you and are so happy that we were chosen to be your parents. Finding out you were our son was one of the best days of our lives.