Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ben's newest crush

The other day (okay, so it was last week and I am SO behind on my posts) I met my bloggy turned IRL friend Grace for lunch at the local Chick-Fil-A. When Ben and Grace first met several months ago, one of them was crying (and it wasn't Grace). Now Ben adores Grace, wanted to sit in her lap, play with her necklace and feed her soggy french fries that came straight from his mouth. Seriously, how cute is this?

Little man had a blast and I think he is in love with Grace.

And of course there also was a weird "adoption moment".
A sweet older couple was sitting behind us and Ben would go back to their table and stare at the ice cream they were eating. When they left, we were just getting up as well and Ben was holding onto Grace's hand. The couple commented on his cuteness and then the man said "And you're holding mommy's hand."

Grace immediately pointed to me and told Ben to go to mommy.

At the time I didn't think much of the comment, because who would assume that the Korean child goes with the Caucasian woman and not the Korean one? I probably wouldn't.

It hit me on my way home though. No one will ever be able to tell that we belong together by just looking at us.

Yes, of course it's something we know going into international adoption, but somehow this reality hit home that day. Does it matter to me that no one knows we belong together by looking at us? No. Will it matter to my son that he has to explain why his mom doesn't look like him? Probably.


  1. That's not an easy thing. Then again, no one thinks Brian and Ben go together by looking at them, and DEFINITELY not my MIL and Ben. But it doesn't really matter. It probably will to your Ben at some point in his life, but later in life it won't be a big deal. Hugs! So glad you and Grace got together. I need to get my kids up to Chik Fil A near you and meet Ben! :)

  2. its so fun when a bloggy friend becomes an IRL one!

    I know exactly what you mean about strangers not always knowing that you belong together. That was something I made my peace w/prior to our adoption, but it hurts me to know that it one day may hurt my children, who did not choose this life for themselves.

  3. How sweet that he has a crush on Grace! I can see why :)
    And that's kind of a profound moment ... and I'm sure this will not be the last time for you (or the rest of us). Kind of makes me go {gulp].

  4. Him & Grace are too cute!! You know, it gets old sometimes when people ask "is he yours"...but like you said...it will probably be harder on the boys than it ever will be on us!

  5. Man, Grace sure does look wonderful with a baby! Come on, TC for Grace!
    But anyway, back to you, mama. What a weird/uncomfortable but well-handled moment. That's something that I'm sure will stick with you for a long time.

  6. can you tell ben that the crush is mutual??? seriously, i swooned a little when he giggled with me!
    and, yes, an awkward/weird moment for sure. and it's in those moments when you have to make a choice to stop and explain or just brush it off, huh? i feel like that's the hardest.

  7. Oh, I love seeing Ben and Grace together!

    I think about this sometimes too... and just when I worry most about it, Spencer does something to reassure me. Like cuddling me in the middle of the store... "just cause" or telling everyone "MY MAMA!" So while I know there will be times that it matters, I also know I'm his Mama, and he's my son... and while we may not *look* alike, we really are very much alike in ways that matter more.

  8. I could see the crush starting at your church. Too cute! I think moments like that us keep make us realize that things aren't always going to be peachy. It makes us better parents.

  9. What cute pics of B and Grace (can't wait see pics of G & C!).
    I think you handled the moment well - but you are right, you never know how the kids will think about not looking the same - but the unconditional love from you as a momma - that they will be sure of.