Saturday, September 4, 2010

Nature vs Nurture and Other Random Thoughts

Every year my parents visit us from Germany.

Every year I look forward to the visit, but then am quickly reminded why my mom and I function so much better with an ocean between us. Of course this ocean is also the reason why we are stuck together in one place for several weeks at a time instead of a couple of hours several times a month.



I do miss my parents, and I wish they were able to see little Ben grow up on a weekly or monthly basis versus a yearly one. But spending time with them is hard. Not seeing them constantly makes me notice a lot of little (and not so little) quirks in them that I also notice in myself, and most of them are not good ones. I wonder if they were passed on to me via genes or the way I was raised. Like my mother's quick temper and her ability to always find something wrong with pretty much everything. Yup, I got that too and I am not happy about it. My dad's belief that doing things last minute will work out perfectly. Yup, that's me. My mom's panic when things don't work out. Also me. Her inability to properly close containers, doors, and anything else that needs to be closed. I got that too. And the list goes on. Every year the visit is a wake-up call, and sometimes it makes me realize how hard it must be for my husband to live with me at times. Because it is hard to be around my parents. Every year all of a sudden I have so many a-ha moments of why I am the way I am. Not that they are bad people or bad parents, but just like everyone else they are far from perfect.



And I wonder which of our quirks and not-so-pleasant attributes little Ben will display as he grows up. I hope some were hereditary so they can't be passed down to little man. I hope I can work on un-learning the ones that are learned. And I hope that the hubby and I can give Ben the best of both of our worlds. I want my little man to have my love of food and travel, but I want him to see the world as a happy place just like his dad does. I want him to have his dad's work ethic but with a little of my way of being flexible and ...umm... bending the rules. But most of all I hope that Ben will always know how much he is loved and that we are proud of him.

10 comments:

  1. First of all, I literally spit out my coffee when I got to the end of your second sentence. Hee hee, I love your honesty. I know what you mean. As I get older, I appreciate my mom more BUT I also see a lot of her (slightly annoying) traits in me, too. Sometimes I stop myself when I recognize it though. I think the fact that you are articulating what you want for Ben means that you are on the right path! Good luck and enjoy the visit!
    PS - I'm assuming your parents don't read your blog? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a beautiful post. The beauty is in its honesty b/c, frankly, we ALL feel this. I particularly like your shared inability to properly close containers. It makes me wonder if you guys just don't know how to close them, or if (like me) you try, get frustrated, and give up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I *know* I'm not easy to live with! It's funny because I see some things that are totally my mom or my dad in my brothers and they are adopted. I think more is nurture than we realize.

    Hope your visit goes smoothly!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh man, I love this post... I feel the same way about my family as well. It's funny, a couple of months ago i was with my family and my sister exclaimed at dinner how she was *nothing* like our mom (she's exactly like her) and everyone just looked around the table, then started guffawing with laughter. At least you recognize it! (I happen to be exactly like my dad... And fully recognize that fact as well.)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love your honesty. I understand the traits. I'm still learning the ones I inherited from my family :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh boy, i hear ya. i could NOT live in the same house as my mom for more than a week (one week of vacation is more than enough)! but i hope you are enjoying watching your parents as grandparents and i hope ben is loving getting to know them :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. here I am looking forward to my Mom's visit and as soon as she is here I count the days until she leaves again... LOL

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just found your blog and love this post! Our family is on the other side of the country and when we go for those week-long visits, I'm reminded that I love them very much but am glad we live far away. It makes me love them more :)

    And Ben is adorable!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. i think we can all relate to this post and it makes me laugh to think that one day our kids will probably write a blog post like this about us. :)
    can't guarantee what ben will be like when he grows up but there's no doubt he will know how much he is loved by you and your husband.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love this post! I agree with Jenny that we can all relate to this post!

    ReplyDelete