Three Continents - One Family

Move with me

2011-03-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

Stability is hard for me. Really hard. I like to move. Since, unlike some of my bloggy friends, I am not physically relocating (ever again), I have decided to move my blog back over to Wordpress, where I started out.

I will be back at 3continents.wordpress.com

I moved my blog over to Blogger because of all the cute things other people were doing with their Blogger account and I couldn't do with Wordpress. Turns out I never did any of those cute things because I am just not a cute person.

I am annoyed with Blogger for many reasons, and it's so much easier for me to read other people's Wordpress blogs on my i-Phone, so I have decided to move back to do all of you who read blogs via their mobile device a favor.

Please come with me!

Oh that mouth...

2011-03-06T17:07:00.000-08:00

Open mouth kisses are a thing of the past... Ben now puckers his lips and makes the appropriate kiss sounds.... He also uses his mouth to make smacking sounds as he feeds his finger puppets Ernie and Elmo (who, by the way, also occasionally make out). And he can now drink out of a regular cup all by himself!!! I love seeing the progress he is making, but this is going too fast!

Look who's talking

2011-02-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

It is so hard to imagine that a few weeks ago I was actually considering having Ben evaluated by EI because he wasn't saying much. Shortly after those thoughts, the words started, and within the past two weeks or so it seems like the flood gates have opened. He will repeat everything we say. Everything. Especially when we don't want him to.

He has also started using more words on his own. He'll say "Danke" (I think he is really trying to say thank you, it just comes out as the German version), "up", "down" (oh boy does he use those a lot), "honey" (after I gave him some for a cough), "done", "more". He loves to say "Prost" (=cheers) and clink his sippy cup with everyone else's cup at the table. Over and over and over. I joke and say that people will think we're heavy drinkers.

And he says "uh-oh" and "oops" all the time. Only his oops doesn't sound like that at all. It starts with the "oo" and then the rest of the word consists of a snorting noise made through his nose. I've tried imitating it, but I can't.

He also loves to say "hi" and especially "baba", accompanied by an enthusiastic wave. He'll greet any animal he sees and will also say baba after it leaves. He'll also wave good-bye to random people at a restaurant or store. Sometimes he'll wave at us and say baba, but sorry kiddo, you won't be able to stay home alone for several years.

His favorite animals are still bow-wow-wow's, buu (birds) and now sqch (squirrel - again with the nasal sound). He's also started grunting when he sees pigs and says '"eaow" for a cat. I am in awe of every little thing he does. Surely no other child is a genius like mine ;-) And since you're all here for the pics, here are some shots of Ben and his buddy Choi Boy at the farm (luckily for me his mommy Grace is more timely with her blogging and already wrote about it).

Drums and sticks... Celebrating Lunar New Year

2011-02-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Time

2011-02-13T14:59:00.000-08:00

I don't have any. I have about one million posts swirling around in my head, but can't find the time to put them on paper, or rather the computer. I have also neglected some of my friends, my work that has been so kind to let me earn some money from home, the awesome photoworkshop I wanted to participate in, and well, everything else in my life. I couldn't even tell you why I am so busy. I just know that after 14 hours of literally running after little man, all I can think of at 8 p.m. is sleep. I want to write about Ben's milestones at 19 months which include an explosion of words (up, down, honey, desk, and pen are new favorites) and the awesome Lunar New Year's festival we went to last weekend where we met tons of friends and Ben had a blast. I want to write about my wonderful and life saving German friends, who just like me are navigating life between two cultures (okay, that is a little melodramatic, but sometimes it really feels like I don't fully belong here nor there). And I want to write down all the little things Ben and I are up to every day, because isn't that what life is really about? At least now I will have this posting to remind me what I wanted to say.

Forever Ours

2011-02-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

I am surprised at how much it means to know that we are now officially the parents of our little boy. In our hearts he has been our son ever since he was placed in our arms 9.5 months ago.

Today I received a surprising call from our attorney who let me know that they received the final adoption decree. Ben's name is now officially Ben and he is a US citizen. And we're his parents.

The day the adoption became final was the anniversary of the day that our acceptance paperwork made it to Korea. Isn't it great that with all the little steps involved in adoption there is always a special date to pick from?

Now it's on to the final round of paperwork and we will be DONE.

The Joy of Love Day 1: What they do

2011-02-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

I am participating in a month long photo workshop at Willette Photography and the first assignment was to capture "what they do".

Well, there's a lot of this going on at my house:

Little man loves to point!

One year ago - part two

2011-01-21T09:06:00.001-08:00

(My plan was to write this post yesterday, on the anniversary of our referral, but after having to pull Ben off our kitchen table no less than 14 times and then a mega tantrum at the rec center and mini tantrums the rest of day, quite frankly I didn't have the energy).

One ago (yesterday), just like every day, I drove by our adoption agency on my way to work. I knew that we were in the range of the average timeframe for referral and my anticipation had been building within the last couple of days. Every single day on my way to work I would think about what it would feel like to get the call and I would play it all out in my head.

My morning at work consisted of frantically checking blogs and message boards to stalk people's timelines that I already had memorized. Then, around 9 a.m., I made my cup of oatmeal and my co-workers started coming to work. I was slouching in my office chair thinking that I really needed to get some work done when my phone rang. Now, for the past month I had a heart attack every single time my phone rang. Which is a lot. And then I saw the caller ID. My eyes immediately teared up when I saw it was our agency and my heart leapt, but I tried to convince myself that they must be calling for another reason. I tried to sound super casual on the phone.

And then I heard the words "We have good news. We have your referral."

I immediately started sobbing and screamed "I'm going to be a mom!" and every single person who was in ear's reach came running and watched me as I was still holding the phone sobbing and unable to say anything other than "Oh my God". After I was finally able to establish with my agency that we could come by at any time, there was lots of crying and hugging by everyone and it took several minutes for me to realize that I had to call my husband. By the time I was able to get through to him I was sobbing again and unable to say anything other than ask if he could leave work and meet me. He asked if I was okay and I was able to get a "yes" out. Then there was quiet on the other end of the phone and he said "Did we get it?"

While he left work and drove to our agency I made a call to one of my best friends and headed out to get tea with my boss and co-workers. It was surreal. I was in complete shock. I was about to find out whether I had a son or daughter, and I was going to see my child's face. I was shaking all over. I had a hard time processing what was happening.

As I walked down to the agency my husband pulled into the parking lot and we walked in together. We were moments away from holding that magical packet in our hands.

Then, finally, we were handed the all important papers and a box of tissues.

And we saw this face:

Ben, we love you and are so happy that we were chosen to be your parents. Finding out you were our son was one of the best days of our lives.

One year ago - part one

2011-01-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

One year ago today, I didn't know Ben existed. One year ago today, I said to my boss "I don't know when we will get a referral. It could be another year, it could be tomorrow." One year ago today, I was yearning to find out who my child would be. One year ago today I went to bed wondering when "the" call would come. One year ago today I was wishing and hoping that one year ago tomorrow would be the day.

"What a cute baby!"

2011-01-10T09:50:00.001-08:00

Obviously I believe that Ben is the cutest thing on this planet, and it is oddly flattering when I get compliments on his cuteness. I know, I had nothing to do with it. Some people will tell anyone their baby is cute (even though I do not do that, I actually say "you must be so happy" when someone shows me their ugly baby), but I have come to believe that it is impossible for any other baby to receive as many compliments as my child - insert winking smilie here. For the longest time I wasn't sure what to respond, but now I just say "I know!"...

People have followed him through grocery stores, the lady in the pastry section of our grocery store squeals with delight when she sees him, even the men in the meat section comment on his cuteness. One lady followed us into a store she wasn't even going to go in to see him up close. And then she ran outside again to get her friend. The funniest thing was when someone paged their store manager and then screamed "Look at the cute baby".

What's the point of this post? There is no point.

18 months

2011-01-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

What? Tomorrow my child will be a year and a half. If you round up, that means he is basically two. Which means that soon he will be driving. And then he'll go off to college. Yikes.

This is what he's been up to:

He has words. This is a big one because I was getting a little worried that he wasn't really saying anything. He can say:

Ba ma ma ma (banana)

Ba-ooooo (ball)

Ba-euuuuu (balloon, not to be confused with ba-ooooo. Said frequently during grocery store visits)

Baaaaa (bath, accompanied by frantic knocking on the bathroom door)

Bak (Milk)

Busssss (toothbrush. said with a slight lisp)

Turtle (said only once to point out a, yes, turtle)

Ei (the German word for egg, pronounced like "I")

Oy Vey

Apple

Po-ta-to (used to ask for: potato, clementine, blueberries, and kiwi. Sometimes also used for banana)

He says "brrrr" when we say "It's cold out" and shakes his little body.

He climbs up and into everything. I can't keep up!

He loves Ernie on Sesame Street and gets super excited when one of his diapers has Ernie on it.

He still loves to clean. He loves to look at books and can turn the pages himself. He loves to point out dogs and balloons in books. And Ernie. He still loves to tackle mommy and daddy and slobber all over our faces.

When he nods "yes", his whole body moves, not just his head. But mostly, he shakes his head when asked any kind of question. When he truly means "no", he scrunches his nose, turns the head sideways and makes a whiny sound.

I love this age because he is still super cute but not a baby anymore. He can walk, but I still get to carry him. He is getting more independent, but will still do what I say (sometimes).

We still have two big issues.

One is the tantrums. He's been having fits every since he came home, but somehow they have changed. Sometimes I can really tell that it is a temper tantrum because he isn't getting his way. But other times I wonder how many of these tantrums are still adoption/attachment related. When he just can calm down and it takes an hour of me walking him in the Beco, I think it's not just normal toddler behavior.

The other one is napping. He will nap - thank goodness - but I still have him nap in our bed with me next to him. I don't necessarily mind because I know that this way he will sleep and I will get a break, but I know that one day I will have to train him to nap in his bed. Or will I?

Same Procedure as Every Year *

2011-01-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

* If you are not German, here's where that came from.

By now I have realized that New Year's resolutions are basically pointless. I feel like I have pretty much been the same person since I was 17 despite my best efforts. But somehow I just love new year's resolutions and the illusion that this will be the year in which I become rich, beautiful, and discover all of my hidden talents.

So, here are 7 things I vow to improve upon this year.

1. Be nicer to my husband.

I have an awesome husband. He puts up with all of my moods and supports all of my crazy ideas that never come to fruition (I suspect that he supports them because he knows nothing will ever come of it). He agreed to letting me stay home with our son even though it means that all of us had to cut back. He recognizes that being home with a child is hard work and he makes sure to give me some me-time. He even helps around the house and started cooking, even though theoretically this falls under my job description.

This year, I want to work on letting him know how much I appreciate all the things he does (instead of nagging about the ones he doesn't do).

2. Spend more quality time with my son

Sure, I spend all day with Ben, but quite frankly sometimes I struggle to truly enjoy the time we spend together. It can be hard for me to be mentally present and sometimes I catch myself being glued to my iPhone all morning checking blogs and FB or talking on the phone. So, this year I am going to put.the.phone.away. for most of the day and have fun with my son.

3. Get over it

We have a never-ending argument about whether or not we will adopt again. The husband says that yes, he wants to, but wants to wait a while to see if we can handle it financially. I, impulsive as I am, want to start the process again right away. I have been really obsessed with this off and on for the past couple of months and it's not good for me. I need to let it go. I know that if I don't push for it, it won't happen, but I am sick of getting my hopes up upon hearing that he wants to adopt again only to have them dashed when I hear "but". Having just one kid isn't that bad, is it?

4. Just do it

As mentioned under 1. I tend to have lots of grand ideas for things I want to learn and do. These ideas swirl around in my head, but I can never get it together to concentrate long enough to do any of them. So I want to pick one thing and stick with it. What that is, ummm, I don't know.

5. Time management

This is a BIG one. I am horrible at it. HORRIBLE. Somehow each day seems to fly by and I get nothing done. I don't know how other people spend time with the kids, do the household, blog, read and comment on other blogs, and work part time. HOW DO YOU DO IT PEOPLE?

6. Make this house a home

We've been here 1.5 years, which is the longest we've lived anywhere in the past 7 years. But if you looked at our house you'd think we just moved in. It's really sad and embarrassing. This year I want to work on making this place look somewhat decent so I can finally feel at home. We're going to be here for a looooooooooong time.

7. Be aware of how lucky I am

It is very easy for me to live in the past or the future, or to think of all the things I don't have. I want to work on appreciating the life I have instead of dreaming about the "what if". Because I really am pretty darn lucky.

What a year!

2010-12-30T12:08:00.000-08:00

This was the craziest year of my life.

One year ago we had no idea what an emotional year this would be. It was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

I had no idea that January 20th would be the most amazing day of my life so far. Nothing could have prepared me for finding out about our son. And nothing could have prepared me for how hard the wait for him to come home would be. Then April 5th came and once again I almost had a heart attack and immediately started bawling as soon as I saw the caller ID on my phone. My baby was ready to come home. Almost a week later we were finally boarding a plane to sweet Seoul. Being in the same city as our son was incredible. And then the day came that we had been waiting for. We met Ben. There are no words to describe what it feels like to hold your child for the first time. Just two days later he was ours for good. After all we've been through to get to that day they just handed us the baby and we were parents! It was such a bittersweet day and to this day I can't talk about the day we received Ben without crying. My heart broke for his foster mom and for him. Taking my child from his beautiful country was so much harder than I ever could have imagined. Once home the transition period began, and luckily I have blocked most of it from memory. Let's just say it wasn't pretty, but slowly Ben got used to us and we got used to being parents. All of a sudden here we are at the end of the year and we are in a good place.

What a year it was and how I wish I could push "replay" and do it all over (with the exception of the first few months home, please).

O Holy Night

2010-12-30T11:36:00.000-08:00

Right after my somewhat mopey posting about my lacking Christmas spirit, it arrived in the form of two packages. One from my parents in Germany and one from my bloggy friend Kimberly with a very special ornament I won in her giveaway.

The ornament reminded me of why this Christmas was so special. We were finally celebrating as a family.

The very next day I baked some Vanillekipferl that even turned out. Ben, of course, immediately memorized the look of every cookie tin we own and would point and screech for cookies. More often than not he got one. I am such a pushover!

On Christmas Eve we decorated the tree under close supervision. Surprisingly Ben did very good at not touching but only sniffing the tree. We watched my favorite Christmas movie, Love Actually, and realized that it will probably be inappropriate for Ben very soon.

Then after sunset the Christkind arrived and put the presents under the tree. We took Ben downstairs to see the tree and gifts. He immediately made a beeline for the presents and started unwrapping! I (aehem, the Christkind) had went back and forth on whether to get him something big, something small, or even nothing at all. I was convinced he would most likely not touch anything we gave him. I was under the impression that each set of grandparents would get him maybe one or two gifts and I caved and bought a few small items. For Christmas Eve he received several books, a CD, a cute plate, and a Xylophone from my parents. My best friend in Germany gave him a set of Playmobil - which I LOVE. I have totally been obsessed with Playmobil ever since I was a kid and am super excited that I finally get to play with it again. We got Ben some animal magnets, crayons, and Sandra Boynton books. Ben immediately took to the Playmobil, the magnets, and the crayons. Success!

After all the excitement of unwrapping we had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of fondue with various homemade sauces, herb butter, marinated antipasti and some yummy wine that my parents had sent to us. I can't say Ben loved it, but he did get to play with his crayons some while we were eating.

After a very restless night it was Christmas Day. Ben was awake and screaming around 5:30 so we had to get up. I was extremly tired, had a headache from too much wine, and Ben was cranky too. Ben wasn't really surprised to see more presents under the tree and once again started to open them. His big gift from Santa was a cleaning set with brooms and a mop. Luckily he loved it! There was tons of stuff from his American grandparents and he quickly lost interest in unwrapping after he discovered the ball he was given. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and playing.

Overall it was a great Christmas and I am thoroughly enjoying the time between Christmas and New Years.

ISO - Christmas Spirit

2010-12-22T08:07:00.000-08:00

By the end of November I could hardly wait for Christmas season to get here. And then the excitement faded very quickly. I had big plans of baking German cookies, filling Ben's boot on St. Nicholas, decorating the house, doing all kinds of Christmassy things (like watching Love Actually over and over). And it's sad to say that none of these happened. Ben doesn't really get Christmas yet and is too young to enjoy crafts or baking. And I am not good at crafts or baking.

I get a little homesick each year because I miss the Christmas I grew up with. There are lots of great things about celebrating Christmas the American way, but somehow they don't mean much to me. After all, Christmas is all about traditions. We'll be doing our best at a blended approach that I am sure will evolve over the years. Ben will get presents from the Christkind (=baby Jesus) on Christmas Eve and Santa Claus on Christmas. Mommy will drink Gluehwein (mulled wine) and eat Lebkuchen (ginger bread). Daddy can get up early on Christmas morning while mommy sleeps in (hahaha).

We finally picked a tree last Sunday, and even though I hadn't originally planned on doing so, we will keep with the German tradition of decorating the tree on Christmas Eve. Hopefully next year we'll manage that a little sooner.

If you have excess Christmas spirit, please send it my way!

Ben's First American Snow

2010-12-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

Excerpt

2010-12-13T04:46:00.000-08:00

We received a letter from Ben's foster mom, which is priceless. We have some email contact through the foster sister, but to hear from the foster mom herself is wonderful.

I cried like a baby when I read the letter (no surprise really, since I cry all the time).
This is for all of you who don't have contact with your children's foster parents. These children are so loved.

Here are some excerpts:

"We gave him everything we could give him."

"When he heard that the new parents are coming, not sure if he understood it fully, he had some hard time eating and sleeping. I was also worried to death..."

"I never stopped thinking about him every day. Each time I miss him, I would look at the world clock and think "what is he doing by this time of day?"

I admire these families who take care of our babies not knowing how long they will be with them and love them with all of their hearts.

17 months old

2010-12-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

At 17 months old, Ben is getting more and more confident. He is walking really well now and is able to carry things while he walks. He also like to walk backwards, sideways, and twirl. He can get up and down the stairs by himself, but has taken two tumbles already.

He enjoys other people's attention a lot and is starting to interact with other kids (mainly by taking away their toys or trying to share his toys). It is so fun to watch him with his little friend W. who came home at the same time as Ben. Just a couple of weeks ago Ben would have nothing to do with him, but just yesterday they were sharing a meal, wrestling, and Ben sat in W.'s lap (that was an accident, but it was adorable).

Sometimes we go to open play at a local kid's gym and he is starting to love the trampoline. At first he just wanted to sit on it as everyone else jumped, but now he wants to get up and jump himself. Not that he can really jump, but he'll wiggle his knees while holding on to the little bar. I love how proud he is of himself!

Current words now include "book", "baaaaaa" for bath, and "dada". For a while he was saying "baaayyyyybbeee" over and over, but that phase has passed.

He also likes to wave and say "hiiiiii" and sometimes "bye". DH says he sounds like Mr. Hanky from South Park.

Somehow he forgot where his body parts are though and will now always point to his ear!

He is getting into play-doh and is enjoying his little doodle pad he got from Korean airlines. He is also starting to like some of his stuffed animals, especially Big Brown Bear (so we're not good at giving creative names in our house).

And he just loves real animals. Not too long ago we went to a local farm and he was beside himself with excitement. His little hands were flying all over the place as he was trying to point to the sheep, goats, cows, and pigs simultaneously.

In other news I survived my first week of flying solo, and other than two pretty tough days I have to say it went pretty well.

Ben's newest crush

2010-12-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

The other day (okay, so it was last week and I am SO behind on my posts) I met my bloggy turned IRL friend Grace for lunch at the local Chick-Fil-A. When Ben and Grace first met several months ago, one of them was crying (and it wasn't Grace). Now Ben adores Grace, wanted to sit in her lap, play with her necklace and feed her soggy french fries that came straight from his mouth. Seriously, how cute is this?

Little man had a blast and I think he is in love with Grace.

And of course there also was a weird "adoption moment".
A sweet older couple was sitting behind us and Ben would go back to their table and stare at the ice cream they were eating. When they left, we were just getting up as well and Ben was holding onto Grace's hand. The couple commented on his cuteness and then the man said "And you're holding mommy's hand."

Grace immediately pointed to me and told Ben to go to mommy.

At the time I didn't think much of the comment, because who would assume that the Korean child goes with the Caucasian woman and not the Korean one? I probably wouldn't.

It hit me on my way home though. No one will ever be able to tell that we belong together by just looking at us.

Yes, of course it's something we know going into international adoption, but somehow this reality hit home that day. Does it matter to me that no one knows we belong together by looking at us? No. Will it matter to my son that he has to explain why his mom doesn't look like him? Probably.

Thankful

2010-11-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for this year.

On the top of the list, of course, is my little man. Somehow we survived the wait, which at the time seemed like it would never end. Somehow we survived the first weeks home, which also seemed like they would never pass. Somehow we found our new normal, and it feels good.

I am also thankful for an amazing husband. Yes, he drives me crazy sometimes, which has less to do with him than my moodiness. He gets up at night to comfort a screaming baby. He lets me sleep in as much as possible. He loves our son with all of his heart and it just makes me love him more.

I am also thankful for the friends I have made through adoption, whether it be in real life or the blogosphere. Thank you to all of you for sharing your lives, your struggles, and your triumphs. You keep me (somewhat) sane.

I cannot stand it when people say that we are such special people for adopting (because we are not), but I have to say that some of the most amazing people I have met are fellow adoptive parents. I feel very blessed to be part of such a wonderful community.

Wordless Wednesday {Who - me?}

2010-11-17T05:39:00.000-08:00

Getting ready for Christmas (and some shameless advertising)

2010-11-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

This year I am so excited for Christmas to finally get here. I usually love fall so much, but this time I can't wait for the holiday season and everything that goes with it. I can't wait to get started with my decorations and sending out cards. I may even bake cookies this year!.

I was super excited to find out about a Shutterfly holiday card promotion through my friends Jackie and Grace's blogs.

Of course there are so many designs that I have a hard time deciding. It will be either this:

Or this:

They are both very classic and simple, which I like. I plan on using a black and white picture of our beautiful baby boy on them, and I think either one will turn out great.

Both sets of grandparents will receive calendars for next year. I ordered one for my parents last year and they loved it. This year it will be better still because it will be all about our little man. I even thought about making one for his foster parents.

I am not sure if his foster family celebrates Christmas, but may send them a new year's card.

Here is the link if you want to take part in this promotion yourself!

And then there are days like this....

2010-11-15T12:12:00.001-08:00

Times up during the night: 3
Rise and shine: 4 a.m.
Tantrums: 5
Average tantrum duration: 30 minutes
Naps: 0
Sippy cups thrown into cat litter:1

I need it to be 8 p.m.

Friends, Fun and Food

2010-11-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

My friend Grace invited several of her adoption friends to her church's food festival on Saturday (and blogged about it here) It was a-m-a-z-i-n-g for so many reasons. The food being one of them, of course, and the company another. I love getting together with other adoptive families. I finally met my bloggy friend Kala and her sweet son in person, and met Jen and Becky, two other ladies who are currently waiting for their babies to come home. We ate delicious Korean food and talked about all the things that only adoptive parents understand.

But for Ben and I, there was another reason why this day was so special.

Things started off on a little bit of a rough note for us. Ben and I arrived a little early, as always, and wandered through the building and while we were waiting for Grace to finish her shift and for everyone else to arrive, a very nice man gave Ben a balloon. Unfortunately in the process of doing so he looked at and - gasp - touched him, which was enough reason for a mini-meltdown.

At that point I was not looking forward to spending any amount of time at the festival with a clingy, crying child. I had injured my shoulder earlier this week (funny story, it happened during a nap) and was completely out of commission for two days, so the prospect of having to lug the toddler around in my arms was not appealing.

And then a miracle happened. I put Ben down and at first he walked around a little holding my hand, and then all of a sudden he took off running and laughing into the crowd! I know this sounds like typical toddler behavior, but Ben usually does not let go of mommy when there are others around. It was so special to see him so comfortable that he was going up to people, even other kids, staring at them (and their food) and laughing when they talked to him. It may have been slightly annoying to everyone else since it was pretty crowded, but I wasn't going to ruin his new found freedom. Later in the day he even let Grace pick him up and hold him and walk away from me. It sounds so silly, but it was such a relief to see that he is so much more comfortable now.

A picture like this would have been unthinkable just last week. Yes, this is Ben in close proximity of Matthew and he is not crying!!! (Thanks Grace for letting me use your pics).

He's becoming a person!

2010-11-08T06:59:00.000-08:00

At 16 months, my little man is really becoming his own little person! The progress he is making is amazing to this mama.

A while ago we removed the tray from his highchair and pushed it up against the table. I am so glad I got my way and bought my European style highchair (DH and I got into a big argument over it way back when)! I love having all of us sit at the table. Ben is starting to be able to put things on his spoon and feed himself, but most of the time I still have to either load the spoon and give it to him or he will eat with his hands. Oh the mess he makes.

He is now running all over the place and getting into everything! We thought we had childproofed our house, but it turns out that we have a lot more work to do. I have been really lax in what I have allowed him to do, so he loves to empty the lower shelves of the pantry and some of the cabinets. I figure that it keeps him entertained while I do stuff in the kitchen, but DH is not so happy with it.

Ben is now also starting to imitate things we do. For example he will grap a rag and clean the floor. Something that I do multiple times a day around his highchair. He also helps put away laundry by grabbing handsful and stuffing it in dresser drawers. And then he takes it out again and puts in the hamper. Or uses it to "clean" the floor.

He is totally obsessed with the cat food and water and gets in trouble multiple times a day for dunking his hands in it.

He can point to his nose, teeth, hair, cheeks, ears, eyes, belly, and toes. He also likes to point out body parts on his stuffed animals.

He loves "ABC" books and will always bring them to us and then point to different things. Sometimes I think he is testing me. He'll point to the goat about ten times and then to the gorilla and then does the goat again multiple times.

The absolute best thing is that he has been so much happier lately and laughing and giggling non-stop. He is also becoming more comfortable around people. I used to always have to carry him where ever there were people that might look at him and he would start crying as soon as someone talked to him, but as recently as this past weekend he was running around in a crowd and going up to strangers to stare at them (more on that in another post).

I know I keep on saying this, but I am still just amazed at how much I love being a mom. Because that was not always the case.

I am in so in love with this little person and feel so blessed that I get to be his mommy. My heart has never been so full.

The return of the bib

2010-11-04T15:33:00.000-07:00

Ben has been bib free for one entire week out of his 6 plus months home. The rest of the time he has been teething and drooling, and therefore needs to wear a bib at all times. Unfortunately I never get pics without it. But check this out - he is looking at the camera (sort of) and he is smiling! Nothing melts my heart like this boy's laugh.

The Obligatory Halloween Posting

2010-11-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

We took Ben to our neighborhood's Halloween parade, where he saw lots of dogs in costumes and was kissed by his little friend Luna.

I love how Luna is checking him out!

On Sleep

2010-10-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

I think it is time for another sleep posting.

It's been a good 6 weeks since we began sleep training, and I have to say that to my big surprise it has been mostly successful. We started a routine, even though having routines is really hard for me. For an hour before bedtime we play and read in Ben's room, and then he gets changed, the light is turned off, and we recite "The Going to Bed Book" while one of us holds him in the dark. Then he is put in his crib where he usually goes to sleep immediately (seriously, I still can't believe it). He usually wakes up once or twice a night, but has slept through the night a handfull of times, which - of course - is wonderful! Unfortunately for the husband I have proven useless in calming him down, so it's up to him to get up to pat Ben on the back in the middle of the night when he is up screaming. He is really good at it though and the screams usually subside quickly.

For a while Ben got up at 4 a.m. every morning, but lately he has been sleeping until 6 or 6:30. I am in heaven!

Naptime, however, is a completely different story. Maybe it's because I am on my own (or I try to be) and Ben knows I am a pushover. Any attempts to have him sleep in the crib have failed miserably. He used to nap in the crib okay, but somehow he seems to have forgotten all about that. Now what happens is that he will get cranky around 2 or 3 and will then eventually fall asleep in my arms. And I better not put him down! So I spend an hour sitting on the couch with the baby on me. Sometimes I cheat. The husband is currently working from home (which is the best thing EVER), and comes to help out. Of course when he is there, naptime works out much better.

Overall I am absolutely amazed at how well things are going in the sleep department, and I hope I didn't just jinx it.

First Words

2010-10-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Jane for the t-shirt! We love it!

Ben, at 15.5 months, is still not really saying much. He's babbling a lot. You know; "bababababa" and "agoo agoo agoo". He'll say "mamamamamama" when in or near the kitchen. Once he said "Obama".

But recently he's started saying things with purpose! His first real words are: Da (for dog) and Bow Wow Wow. The boy is obsessed with dogs and where ever he sees a dog, he wildly points with his finger and screams "da, da, da" and then "bow wow wow".

Then yesterday he started trying out new sounds, "b" and "p" and "tch" to be exact. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard him running through the house yelling what sounds a lot like "beach" only really more like it is spelled with an "i" instead of "ea". I swear he is making this up and not repeating it. Unless he really is trying to say beach. And I am hoping that he outgrows this phase very quickly before we are out in public and he yells the b-word at me!

I'm loving it

2010-10-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

So, as you all know, this is my first week at my new job as full time mom. And I am loving it!

Monday was a holiday for the husband, so we spent some time in DC. We went to the National Cathedral and hung out in the gardens (which I love) and then briefly went inside and lit a candle for Ben's birth mom. Then we had lunch at a Mexican place, since apparently our all-time favorite pizza place is closed for lunch on Mondays. It was a gorgeous fall day and Ben had a great time playing in the gardens and looking at the stained glass windows inside the cathedral.

Tuesday was another sunny day which Ben and I spent outside playing. We also went to his 15 month checkup, which took forever and ended with them losing the paperwork we need for our adoption agency. Grrr. There was more playing in the afternoon and overall it was a fantastic day. What followed was a not so fantastic night. The husband went to check on Ben in the middle of the night to find him laying in his bed with what we think were seizures. Needless to say we totally panicked and rushed to the ER. We were seen quickly, but you could tell that the doctor thought we were complete idiots. We got a lecture on how febrile seizures are very common and then waited for another 1.5 hours until they finished our paperwork for Ben's discharge. Ugh. Yes, dear doctor, I promise not to come back. The next morning I was happy not to have to go to work! It was another beautiful day and I got lots of snuggles from my poor sick baby.

Yesterday I was happy again that I didn't have to leave the house, but this time because it was raining cats and dogs. Ben and I had a fun day at home with lots of snuggles and brief naps. I hate when he is not doing well, but I sure love the snuggles.

So far I really love being home. For the first time in months I feel like I can breathe again. I did laundry and dishes, went food shopping, and cleaned a little. I read tons of books to Ben and helped him draw with crayons. I fed him, and fed him some more. I chased him around the house and yard and I played hide-and-seek (the version for 15 month olds). He is just the cutest thing in the world and I can't take my eyes off of him. I feel so lucky that I get to spend this time with my little man!

15 months old and last post placement visit

2010-10-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had the last visit with our social worker. It is simply unbelievable that we can now move on to finalization! She said that she feels we're doing really great, which we are! She has been awesome to work with, but it is a great feeling to almost be done with all of the paperwork and soul-bearing that comes with adoption.

To celebrate the last social worker visit and my favorite season - fall - we made a trip to a pumpkin patch. Of course the weather felt more like summer and it was almost too hot. While contemplating on whether or not we should pick some apples we met another adoptive family who is waiting to bring their baby home! What a small world. We didn't get any apples, but had a good conversation.

As of today, Ben is 15 months old! Wow. He's been taking steps on his own for a while now, but I always said that he'd be 15 months old until he was fully walking. And just about 3 or 4 days ago he really started going off on his own. Until then he would greatly prefer to hold on to one of my fingers. He likes to do rounds in the house, and likes to walk up and down the drive way. It's also very important to stop to pick up a stick (or two or three) when the opportunity presents itself!

I'm getting ready to spend my first week as stay-at-home-mom and am hoping for some more of this gorgeous weather we've been having.

Why this is harder than it should be

2010-10-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have one more week and one day left at my job.

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder since I handed in my notice. I can't wait to be done. I am looking forward to not spending my afternoons and evenings checking my phone for emails or worrying about that upcoming deadline. I am looking forward to being there with Ben. Just him, no work on my mind. But still, this is harder on me than I thought it would be. This transition to being a stay-at-home-mom is scary! Why, you ask?

1. The M-word. Money. The reason why me staying home with Ben was not plan A to begin with. Me not working will mean we will have to find ways to lower our spending. Despite the fact that I really don't enjoy shopping, there's a surprising amount of stuff that finds its way into our home. I feel bad that DH will have to cut back just so I can be at home. It will mean, most likely, that Ben will be an only child. There is no way a sibling will happen without my bi-weekly paycheck.
2. The fact that for years, I wanted nothing more than have a decent job with decent pay. After we came to the US, I had the hardest time finding a job. We either lived in the middle of nowhere, were there were no jobs (other than picking cotton), or we moved every 6 months, which made it impossible to keep a job. I yearned to work again. It was a dream come true to move here and actually find work that I would enjoy (for the most part). I am afraid that I am throwing away a good thing. I know that my son is more important than any job, but still.
3. The social aspect. When we moved here, we didn't know many people at all. So most of my social interaction was at work. I've slowly built friendships here, but it was always nice to go to a place everyday where you were surrounded by friends.
4. I vividly remember how awful my maternity leave was. Things got better towards the end, but I remember not knowing what to do with the child all day long and feeling some kind of relief when I first returned to work. Of course now I am actually able to leave the house with Ben, so hopefully that will help!
5. I am afraid I will become one of those mothers. You know, the kind that is only interested in talking about kids, specifically her kids. The kind that answers the phone with an immediate update on what her child is doing at the moment. The one that defines herself as a mother, and only a mother.
Every mother I know that I consider to be an interesting person has something going on in addition to being a mom. Some work, some are actively involved in church, some are crafty, some volunteer. Just look at some of my bloggy friends! Kelly has an awesome Etsy store and has learned to take amazing pictures. Elizabeth runs a non-profit, teaches kickboxing, and bakes. Christine fits in graphic design with raising Spencer. I will stop there, even though this list could go on and on.

I know that things will somehow work out, but still, I have to admit that this is a tad harder on me than it should be.

I took a Big. Huge. Gigantic. leap of faith

2010-09-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

I resigned my job this morning.

I am sad that I won't get to see these fabulous people anymore every day and will be forever grateful for the opportunities they've given me.

But for the foreseeable future I will be a stay at home mom.

I am a cheater

2010-09-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Until very recently I believed that photo editing was cheating. Then I realized that cheating makes average pictures look so much better. And since I am a huge believer in bending the rules in many other aspects of life, I am finally embracing the fact that I need editing to make my pictures look decent.

P.S.: This is addicting! I can't stop.

The Versatile Blogger Award

2010-09-24T04:36:00.000-07:00

My new friend Christy who blogs at 3 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed gave me the Versatile Blogger award. Thank you!
Christy is waiting for her referral of a Korean cutie (and third little monkey) and is with the same agency we used. We're about to meet in person on Monday at our little blogger ladies night out with Grace.

Here are the rules for this award:

Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
Share 7 things about yourself
Pass the award along to 7 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are fabulous
Contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award

So here we go:

1. I used to be an Army wife and hated it. Don't get me wrong, overall the Army was really good to us and I shouldn't complain (even though I will). We did get to spend two lovely years in rural South-West Georgia where I became familiar with pecan orchards, peanut fields, and people who have multiple grandchildren by the time they are 30. We also got to see Colorado during the winter twice. And I got to have my herniated disk misdiagnosed as a kidney infection by a Navy doctor, landing me in the emergency room right after a three day cross country drive to the new duty station.

2. Over the span of my life I have lived in approximately 21 different houses/apartments.

3. I want to want to be a working mom, but I just don't. When I first returned to work after my FMLA it was all about catching up with my work friends, going out to eat with adults, and wearning clothes without stains. I felt so refreshed when I came home from work, and so exhausted when I spent an entire day with Ben. Now I spend my entire day working, and then working some more at night. I feel completely exhausted and feel like I am missing out on some of the fun parts of being a mom (like play dates). I secretly wish US society would believe in women staying at home as much as they believe in women working outside of the home.

4. When I look at pictures on blogs, I try to see how other people decorate their houses. Yes, I do look at your kids, but I also look at what furniture you have in your dining room and what pictures you have on the wall.

5. We moved into our house a year ago, and the only pictures that are up are there because there were existing nail holes. We have lived in some places where we did not hang a single thing.

6. I wish I could have an Etsy store. Or rather, I wish I had the talent to make something awesome to sell on Etsy.

7. I really should've been doing work instead of blogging. But this just was so much more fun.

And the award goes to....

1. Lisa at Our Adoption Journey to South Korea
2. Jackie at Journey to Korea and Beyond
3. Kari at Our little Seoul
4. Jenny at And we Lived Happily Ever After
5. Karen at 33 for a Moment
6. Kim at Seon Mi Kyung
7. Krista at When you Wish Upon a Star

Ahhh... Sleep...

2010-09-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since Ben came home he has been sleeping in our bed. When we first came home with him he was so scared, I just couldn't let him be in a room all by himself. He had been sleeping with his foster mom, so I wanted to give him at least a warm body to lie next to, even though it must have been terrifying for him to sleep next to two complete strangers. We went from waking up at 1 a.m. in the morning every night (and being up for good) to 4-5 nighttime wakings where he had to have a bottle and/or be carried for hours on end. Then the bottles became less and less, and the need for us to carry him so he could go back to sleep slowly vanished. We started to be able to calm him by simply reaching over to pat his back.

I loved our pre-bedtime ritual of playing and snuggling in the bed, especially when the husband was working long hours and this was our main family time. Things we didn't enjoy so much were the twisting and turning, headbutts and kicks we got throughout the night.

We had been talking about transferring Ben to his crib for weeks, and couldn't really decide on how to go about it. I ended up ordering a book on the internet - my first sleep book, believe it or not - after reading another adoptive parents recommendation.

I read the book and thought it would never work.
The method that is used is to basically put the child to bed and check on him in increasing intervals. The book said that the first night it would take about an hour, the second night a little longer, and the third night it would take 20 minutes for the child to fall asleep. Even though it went a little against my grain to use any method where my child will cry, we gave it a shot.

And it worked.

The first night was awful. Ben screamed and threw up. I wanted to cry. But after a little over an hour of going in and reassuring him, he was asleep. That night we got up about 3 times to pat his back as he woke up and each time he went right back to sleep.

The second night involved more puke (it was disgusting) and all of us ended up having to take a bath or shower. Yuck, yuck, yuck is all I am going to say. But we put him back in his crib and after an hour and a half he was asleep and pretty much stayed asleep all night.

The third night we were prepared with extra sheets and PJ's ready and a pre-filled bathtub, but didn't end up needing it. Ben was asleep in 15 minutes and didn't cry until he was ready to get up in the morning.

We are on the fourth night and just got done with the changing of the baby after the throw-up ritual. 10 minutes after being changed, he is asleep.

Now if I can get the cats to sleep in another room, I will be one rested lady!

Yesterday we actually watched some sitcoms. On TV. For 2 hours. Uninterupted. It was amazing. Weird, but amazing.

And we got to sleep. Also weird but amazing!

Walking

2010-09-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

14 months old today

2010-09-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

Huh? How did that happen? He was just 9 months old yesterday.
Ben has almost been home for - what? - 5 months? That can't be. Seriously, I can't get over how fast time is flying by! How is it September when it was JUST April?

Ben now walks on his own a lot more, he can do up to 10 steps by himself. But he still prefers to hold onto one of my fingers and walk and walk and walk around the house. He likes to pick up different items and take them on a walk with him.

He now points to - or rather in - his eye every other time you say "nose".

He loves my old legos that my parents lugged with them all the way from Germany.

He says "agoo" all.the.time while pointing out different things he wants.

When he doesn't get what he wants, he has a huge fit and will just sit there screaming his little head off.

Speaking of which, Safety First products stink. He thinks it's a fun game to pull out the outlet covers.

He LOVES to eat out, just like mommy. He is in the best mood and makes sure everyone notices him. Both Ben and I wish we could eat out for every meal.

Oh yeah, and I managed to jam something in the card reader on the computer, so at this moment I cannot upload pictures. I was hoping I could fix this before it is discovered, but I think I will have to come clean with the husband. Not that he'll be surprised.

September - a year ago

2010-09-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

Last September was a big month for us.

We added our sweet little kitty Casper to the family, who has gained 5 lbs since living with us and is in dire need of a diet. Before Casper joined us, we thought Freddy was a lot of work, but boy were we wrong. Casper loves life, is super playful and has also become very very loving ever since we brought Ben home. Even before we had Ben, most of my nights really ended around 5, since that is when Casper likes to get up and make lots and lots of noise, including meowing, scratching on the bed (argh) and knocking things around. It is amazing how much noise a deaf little cat can make!

Then, exactly one year ago today, our homestudy was FINALLY on its way to Korea. Due to some mishaps with USCIS it took us much longer than anticipated to get that much coveted I-600A approval and I was miserable waiting on it. Once that homestudy was sent to Korea, I felt like a weight had been lifted. For nine months we had been waiting to wait. Now we were officially waiting for our referral!!!!

Nature vs Nurture and Other Random Thoughts

2010-09-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Every year my parents visit us from Germany.

Every year I look forward to the visit, but then am quickly reminded why my mom and I function so much better with an ocean between us. Of course this ocean is also the reason why we are stuck together in one place for several weeks at a time instead of a couple of hours several times a month.

I do miss my parents, and I wish they were able to see little Ben grow up on a weekly or monthly basis versus a yearly one. But spending time with them is hard. Not seeing them constantly makes me notice a lot of little (and not so little) quirks in them that I also notice in myself, and most of them are not good ones. I wonder if they were passed on to me via genes or the way I was raised. Like my mother's quick temper and her ability to always find something wrong with pretty much everything. Yup, I got that too and I am not happy about it. My dad's belief that doing things last minute will work out perfectly. Yup, that's me. My mom's panic when things don't work out. Also me. Her inability to properly close containers, doors, and anything else that needs to be closed. I got that too. And the list goes on. Every year the visit is a wake-up call, and sometimes it makes me realize how hard it must be for my husband to live with me at times. Because it is hard to be around my parents. Every year all of a sudden I have so many a-ha moments of why I am the way I am. Not that they are bad people or bad parents, but just like everyone else they are far from perfect.

And I wonder which of our quirks and not-so-pleasant attributes little Ben will display as he grows up. I hope some were hereditary so they can't be passed down to little man. I hope I can work on un-learning the ones that are learned. And I hope that the hubby and I can give Ben the best of both of our worlds. I want my little man to have my love of food and travel, but I want him to see the world as a happy place just like his dad does. I want him to have his dad's work ethic but with a little of my way of being flexible and ...umm... bending the rules. But most of all I hope that Ben will always know how much he is loved and that we are proud of him.

New this week

2010-08-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

Ben is walking! Well, sort of. He took his first steps at least. They were two tiny little timid steps. He was holding my iPhone, which he loves, and I don't think he noticed what he was doing. It was adorable! He's "walked" two more times, but only took one step each time. Now he loves to push his walker around the house and into things. I just wish the person who gave it to us would've picked a model with no sounds!

He now also points to (or rather up) his nose when you say "nose". He also points to his nose when you say "mouth" or "ears". I still think he's the smartest thing ever.

This weekend we're prepping for the arrival of my parents next week. The house needs a good cleaning, and unfortunately I did not inherit my mother's love of cleaning and organizing. Fortunately my household and yard will be taken care of while my parents are here. I am super excited they are coming and finally meeting their only grandson!

My boy at 13 months

2010-08-22T06:45:00.001-07:00

Ben is developing so quickly, and I am scared I will forget all of his firsts if I don't write them down.

Things he is doing at a little over 13 months old:

He walks while holding our hands. He is getting really good and quick! He loves to walk in circles in our living room/kitchen.

He loves to turn lights on and off. And on and off again. And again. You get the gist. One day I showed him a light switch to distract him from a temper tantrum and now he points to light switches and wants to turn them on and off all.the.time

He feeds himself with a spoon - sort of. I have to load the food on the spoon, hand it to little man, who then either stuffs it in his mouth or waves it around so the food lands on the wall, and then hands me back the empty spoon to be refilled.

He gives sloppy open mouthed kisses without us prompting him to! It's the cutest thing.

He still loves his highchair and will sit for hours and lecture us with a pointed finger and loud babbling.

The other day he finally sat in the shopping cart for almost the entire trip through the grocery store. I usually put him in the Beco, but this time I wanted to run to the store right after daycare and didn't have the carrier with us. So, it was either carry him and have my arm fall off right after the bakery section, or have him sit in the cart. And to my surprise sit he did!
Daycare taught him how to use a sippy cup and he loves it! It's his comfort item.
He has discovered that his index finger fits perfectly in his nose.

Unexpected side effects of motherhood

2010-08-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

I think it is safe to say that I went into motherhood completely clueless, but still, some aspects of it surprise me more than others.

Like that people now forgive me for much of my clumsiness. It has always taken me forever to get the car loaded after the trip to the grocery store, and even longer for me to get in the car and get situated. Now people think it's because of the baby and smile and laugh at me.

Trying to get a door opened to go into a store - always a challenge (push, pull - why is it so heavy anyway?). Now with a baby, people will actually help me.

I am surprised by the amount of compassion I get from other people, mostly older women, when I am out and about with an unruly child. They smile and say "don't worry, mine were like that too".

All of a sudden it is perfectly acceptable to come to work totally exhausted. Other moms will group around and share why they haven't slept in weeks.

Other side effects have to do with my outlook on life. All of I sudden I, Miss Quiet, am speaking up for myself. I asked my work for flexible hours, which they granted (on a trial basis). I never ever expected this! I have also applied to our county's adult education division to teach a class for prospective adoptive parents (kind of along the lines of "Things to consider before adopting"). I figured I might as well put my obsession with adoption to good use. Again, I was super surprised that they are even considering it and I got an interview for next week.

Being a mom has made me rethink my priorities in life once again, and while of course being the best mommy I can has become a priority, I have also realized that I do not only have an obligation to my child, but also to myself to go beyond my comfortzone, grow, and enjoy my life.

Finally - the big city!

2010-08-17T13:31:00.001-07:00

I have been dying to go to DC and last weekend we finally went!
First was a yummy lunch in Georgetown, then a quick museum visit, and then a picnic on the Mall.

I want to do this again!

2010-08-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

Every new parent gets this question in one form or another: "So, when are you going to have the next one?"

For the past few months I have looked at people like they were completely insane when they asked me this.

I knew and read about other adoptive families who added to their family just shortly before we did and said that they can't wait to adopt again. Why on earth did anyone want to do this again, I wondered. How could anyone WANT to deal with more than one child?

And I really wasn't sure about those who already had more than one child at home. How could they possibly cope with the insanity?

At some point I started thinking about whether or not we might want a sibling for Ben. With Korea's rumored closing of its international adoption program in 2012 I felt pressured to think about what I would want years down the road, which, of course, is impossible to tell even for people less impulsive than me.

And all of a sudden, there it was, the feeling that I want to do this again!

It's been long enough where the nightmare of the first weeks and months has faded somewhat, but the memories of the adoption highs are still very vivid.

I am not sure if this longing for another is the actual want for another child. So many points can be made for only having one child. Like the ability to fully concentrate on Ben. The ability to show him the world. Don't even get me started on logistics - feeding, diapers, shopping - eek! And how could we ever possibly be this lucky again? I feel like we've won the jackpot with our little man, tantrums and all. How could I ever love another child as much as I love him? Isn't that impossible?

But how awesome would it be to experience all of this again? How wonderful would it be to give Ben, who is so slow to warm up to others, a built-in playmate.

At this point I am trying to figure out whether I have this new obsession because I am still in love with the process and miss my highs, or if I maybe feel like Ben is growing up so quickly and I am missing out on so much that I want another chance, or whether I will actually want another child to add to the craziness.

Weekend Activities

2010-08-02T12:21:00.001-07:00

My weekend started early - around 1 p.m. on Thursday I got a call that Ben had a fever and needed to be picked up from daycare. By the time I got home it was around 102.5 and I called the doctor asking whether they thought I should bring him in. Yes, I am totally clueless. I gave him a dose of Tylenol and went to the doctor's office, where I ended up waiting 1.5 hours, even though they gave me an appointment over the phone. I did not have my Beco with me and my arms were just about to fall off when it was finally our turn. They couldn't find anything wrong with him and home I went again. I checked his temp again - it was 104.9!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say I totally panicked. I gave more medicine and it seemed to help. Poor Ben was out of it most of that afternoon and slept from 7 until 7 the next morning with only one brief wake up at midnight. Friday I stayed home with a cranky baby, but at least the temp was much lower.

Saturday we saw some major teething and grumpiness, but the fever was gone completely. There was a huge Asian festival literally down the street from us, and we decided to take a look. Needless to say, someone small and grumpy was not very impressed by it. Unfortunately I did not see one thing that could qualify as Korean.

"Asian festival? Who cares?"
On Sunday we ventured to his friend Liam's Dol all the way to the neighboring state. It was the longest drive we've made with him (40 minutes) and luckily he slept on the way there. We will not be discussing the drive home. We had a great time there and met some other adoptive families, which is always a bonus.

Another first

2010-07-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

We finally took Ben to a restaurant. Before we had Ben I would not have believed that I would make it over three months without taking him to eat out. But he really was not ready to be in public, considering he would scream any time anyone looked at him.

We took him on a 20 minute car ride, just to see if it really is as smooth now as we thought, and went to Maggiano's. It was a dream! He smiled, charmed the waiters, played with his crayons, and loved the food. No fussiness, no screaming, no tossing things. I am so happy that this was a good experience for all of us. Afterwards we went for a stroll through the mall (in his stroller) and he was smiley and happy. No matter how many tantrums he may have later in the day, I call this day a success!

Fun at the Zoo

2010-07-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we were anxious to finally get out after spending 3 months pretty much at home. We wanted to make use of our new found freedom of a relatively quiet baby in a front facing car seat. In an attempt to make an outing kid friendly and semi-interesting for Ben, we ventured to our local zoo, which really is a glorified petting zoo. Fine by me, there aren't many things cuter than tiny goats. Unfortunately Ben was unimpressed and sat in his stroller stoically, which I guess is better than screaming. I however had an awesome time feeding goats and sheep!

Life as a One Year Old

2010-07-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

Ben's life has drastically changed once again after his first birthday.

First of all, we turned around that car seat and he seems to actually be doing better in the car! Which would be a huge relief, I owe my friends some visits and I am dying to go to DC.

Our first outing the first day after his birthday was to a city festival. It's hard to believe, but other than going to the store and one short disastrous trip to a park, this was the first time we were actually out as a family. It felt so good to just be strolling and looking at the booths and getting some snack food! Ben didn't even complain about sitting in the stroller!

Then, the big change was that he now goes to daycare. All by himself. I was able to work short days from home this week, so I stayed for almost an hour with him and then picked him up after his lunch. He is actually doing really well! He loves breakfast and lunch and I was told that he even likes to ride in their little buggy. The paranoid part of me is now thinking that he only does so well because he is not attaching to us. That's what I get for reading so many attachment books.

While it is hard for me to leave him, and I do wish I could stay home with him, I have to admit that I really enjoy "me" time, even if it is spent working. I emailed my friend earlier and told her that it was so great to just be able to go to the bathroom whenever I wanted without having to "store" a whiny baby somewhere. And I enjoy the time that I do have with Ben so much more. When I am with him all day, I am usually completely exhausted by lunch time.

Also in the news - last night he slept through the night from 8:30 until 7 even though we had an earthquake at 5 a.m. This is only the second or third time that he did not wake up at night!

The Dol

2010-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

We have had really hot, sunny weather here lately, and I had hoped that we would have a cooler day for Ben's big party. And we did. Unfortunately the reason for the cooler temps was that it rained and poured all Saturday morning, which ruined my plans of setting up everything on the deck and I had to cram things into my house.

I ended up stressing way too much, and having waaaaaay too much food, but we had a great time and are so thankful that so many friends showed up. Ben did really well and even let a few people hold him! I tried not to post pictures of people, some may not care for having their face on a public blog.

So, here are some pics:

Casper, the centerpiece:

Prepping for the party:

The glasses for the raffle:

Picture display - due to the weather we had to utlize our bookshelf:

The doljabe board:

If I never cut out a circle again my entire life, I will be very happy:

My good friend Bettina made that diaper cake! Still can't believe that she set foot in Michael's to buy that ribbon:

The dol table (at some point we added balloons, but I don't have a picture of that):

The doljabe - what will he choose?

He picked - MOMMY!

And finally after another 10 minutes of crying, the thread:

Hmm, cake!

Hmmm, maybe this is the item he really wanted to pick? Hasn't put it down since!

Family Picture

Almost One

2010-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

My baby is almost one. I never quite got the big deal about a child's first birthday, but now I am really sentimental. I am looking forward to celebrating Ben's life with friends and some family.

Ben's first birthday will be different from other children's first birthdays. He will have cake and balloons and presents, but no one will be able to reflect on the day he was born, the time he first turned over or when he first laughed. All we have are pieces of paper that give a very brief account of his first months on this earth. The major events in Ben's short life don't involve grabbing objects or sitting up, they involve losing caretakers and his home country. And as much as I don't like little babies (and I REALLY do not care for them) it makes me sad that he is not connected to anyone who knows him from birth.

Of course I am also thinking about his birth mother. I wonder how she is, where she is. Will she have the courage to access his file and find the pictures and letters I sent? Is she thinking about her little boy, wondering how he is doing? Is she remembering what happened one year ago? I am grieving her loss despite the fact that this loss has brought me so much happiness. I simply cannot imagine what she must have felt (and maybe still feels).

I want Saturday to be a happy day, but cannot help feeling a twinge of sadness. Once again joy and grief are so close in adoption.

I am finally there

2010-07-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

When I look back at my posts from the pre-Ben-era, they are full of love for a child I didn't even know. Then, when this child was finally in my arms, my feelings were not quite what I had imagined them to be. There was love, but many times it was the "I-love-you-because-you-are- my-son-and-I-have-to-even- though-I-don't-like-you" kind. He was cute, but he was also very, very unhappy (understandably so) and it was hard for me to feel overwhelming love for someone who clearly did not want to be with me (again - perfectly understandable) and was screaming all.the.time. I resented him for all the changes we had made to our lives to accommodate his needs, or rather our idea of his needs. I was living in a house in the suburbs that we completely overpaid for because when our lease was up it was literally the only single family house in our price range on the market. Instead I could have been living in a cute condo near or in the city within walking distance to cafes and public transportation. Instead of spending my evenings and weekends in museums, restaurants in the city, and strolling charming old streets, I was stuck in suburbia shopping at Target and weeding the lawn. And all because of this screaming child that did not even want to look at us much of the time.

I am not sure when my feelings changed, but now when I look at him, I finally feel a lot like the way I always imagined I would, only these feelings run much deeper than I ever could have imagined (my feelings for the suburbs still haven't changed though).

Random cuteness

2010-07-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

Second postplacement visit

2010-07-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

Today we had our second postplacement visit and I - GASP - actually ended up missing a seemingly spectacular World Cup game. But Germany won so I will have another chance to see them.

The social worker was pretty impressed with the progress Ben has made and our little chunky monkey was hamming it up in front of her, which made me so happy. He was all smiles and giggles and ate an entire banana, which is a lot in one sitting.

DH and I almost got in an argument in front of her about the whole daycare (or rather me having to go back to work) issue and I think were ready to choke each other . I was hoping she'd be on my side, but she remained very neutral. Still praying for a miracle and am now advertising myself as a German tutor (the only skill I have to offer that I can think of) in the hopes that someone still considers this a useful language and is willing to throw a little money at me for teaching them. I don't have high hopes, but we'll see.

This weekend we're in high gear prepping for the big Dol next weekend and I am so regretting being a procrastinator once again. It's just really hard to get anything done with the little one around! Funnily enough, the husband's idea of prepping for the party was buying a chandelier. Huh?

The daycare dilemma

2010-07-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

One more week with Ben and then I have to leave him in daycare. The closer we get to that day, the more nauseous the thought makes me. We have been visiting his daycare every day and he does okay (as okay as Ben can do with a bunch of strangers and kids). It's a great daycare and we are so lucky that we were able to get him in. The people are really nice, the kids in his class are cute and well-behaved. Still, the thought of him being with other people all day, every day makes me so sad. Today he kissed his daycare worker and I almost broke out in tears. I have gotten maybe one or two "kisses" from him and yes, I was jealous. How is he supposed to know that I am his mommy when he spends the majority of his time with her?
I don't think putting Ben in daycare is in his best interest. He still has some really bad days at home, how is he supposed to be okay to go to daycare? As exhausting and frustrating it can be to be around a child with temper tantrums all day, I do want to be the one to comfort him.
I've sent desperate emails to other AP's who have placed their children in daycare in the hope that their experiences will help calm me, and they did for about 2 seconds.

I knew from the beginning that I would have a hard time with this, but it is even harder than I thought. In Germany most moms stay home for three years before they return to work. That is because that is how long their job has to stay available to them. Here things are different, as we all know.

Right now I really need a miracle to happen.

Reliving memories

2010-06-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

Some of my bloggy friends either just returned from Korea with their new babies, are currently in the country to pick up their children, or are waiting for that magical travel call. I am totally addicted to their blogs soaking in every detail of their preparations and their trip, studying every photo for familiar sights, and reliving those precious memories of our own trip to Korea.

Over two months after returning from Seoul I am struggling to keep my memories vivid. I am losing the details, but when I think of our trip I still have that feeling that is impossible to describe. The excitement of not only seeing a new city, but the city our child lived in. The thrill of seeing new sights, smelling that distinct Seoul smell and hearing new sounds, knowing that this is what our child is used to smelling and maybe seeing. A glimpse into the culture our child was born into. The realization that this place is AMAZING. The nerves before meeting our child and then the sheer wonder of finally seeing and touching him. The sadness of taking him away from a place we just fell in love with. The joy of finally being a family. The knowledge that we are forever tied to South Korea.

I am so blessed to be one of the few people on this earth that have had this experience.

First haircut!

2010-06-28T12:10:00.001-07:00

We FINALLY got the boy's hair cut! He looks even cuter now and was in a surprisingly good mood all afternoon.

Where has time gone?

2010-06-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

My time at home with Ben is quickly coming to a close. I cannot fathom how quickly this has all gone, even though on some days there are still moments that seem to just drag on.

I am absolutely dreading returning to work. I feel like we're finally making good progress and most days I have a great time spending my day with Ben. He is showing more and more of his true personality and I have learned a little more about how he ticks, therefore I think both of us are enjoying each other more.

It's no secret that being a mom is not something that came easy to me, but it really is getting better every day. Cheesy as it sounds, my love for my son is still growing every day.

We've continued having playdates, are visiting his daycare, and have started baby swimming. We've made it around the neighborhood in the stroller, but still encounter bloodcurdling screams in the car seat.

Ben LOVES to be in the water. Unfortunately his little pool deflated, so for now he has to make do with a little water table at home, but we're planning on getting him in the big pool at the community center more often.

We're getting to know other moms and their babies, but I have to admit that I still feel most comfortable among other adoptive families. Many moms of children Ben's age seem to still be reliving their pregnancies and past milestones, and also seem very hung up on who their baby looks like. All of these are things I just cannot relate to and there are few things more boring than listening to someone go on and on about whose nose, eyelashes, ears, dimples etc their child has.

Why can't they just take their child as who this child is rather than desperatly trying to find pieces of others. But I'm ranting again.

My sweet boy turns one in less than two weeks. Don't get me started. I am supposed to be planning his dol. I did send invites and started on a dol tower, but that's pretty much the extent of my planning. Yikes! I have grand ideas, but the closer the day comes, the less I think they will become reality!

What Ben's been up to

2010-06-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

In the past week Ben has had more playdates. He is still no fan of other children, but it is slowly getting better. Very slowly.

He also made it in the car for an 18 minute ride with no tears! On the way back however, he got so hysterical that he threw up. Poor baby!

He can climb the stairs! Quicky!

He can stand unassisted for 18 seconds, but will only do it for daddy.

He also has his first cold since he's been home. Poor little guy is coughing up a storm.

A Visit to the Real World

2010-05-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

On Friday was my first day back at work after 7 weeks at home. We are lucky that the husband only works 4 days a week and will be able to be with Ben when I am at work one day a week until I return full time in 6 weeks (which I am not thinking about, it makes me break out in hives).

We decided to adopt pretty much at the same time that I started this job, so I can say that I spent almost every single moment that I have been at this job thinking about our adoption. Our agency is 2 blocks away from my office and every morning I would wonder if this was the day that I would find out about clearances, homestudy appointments, homestudy submission, referral, legals, travel call...

So Friday was the first day that I went to work and did not feel compelled to stalk the boards and blogs for timeline information. It was weird!

It was great to see my work friends, and it's really good to know that I am missed. I did have some anxiety about job security, but was reassured that my job is waiting for me.

I keep on saying this, but time is just flying by, so on one hand it felt like I was only gone for a blink of the eye. On the other hand, I was able to truly appreciate adult conversation, the Friday morning tradition of a bagel and coffee run, and lunch out (in a restaurant, with adults).

I missed my little Ben a lot, and it was wonderful to come home to him. Spending an entire day away from him made me appreciate and enjoy him so much more this weekend.

Wordless... Thursday

2010-05-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

(This is ALCOHOL FREE, the bottle was empty and it was washed. He did get it out of the recycling can though).

Welcome!

2010-05-24T08:16:00.001-07:00

The US government realizes that this country is super lucky to have Ben. So far he's gotten two welcome notices, just after I got scared that his paperwork might have gotten lost. The guy at the airport customs office had told us that they are not supposed to take care of the paperwork, so for all I knew, he could've just put it in the trash.

Back in the day I got 4 or 5 letters, and then they sent my greencard to the wrong address. Hopefully Ben's greencard will make it to the correct address and hopefully the card will have his correct info! I can't wait to be done with USCIS one day....

Raising a bilingual child

2010-05-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

I love Germany. I do. I really miss living there and I am sad that my child won't grow up there.

This, to me, is home. Or one of the places I call home.

This is a crummy picture, taken while riding in my dad's car. But just looking at it I can smell the fresh cut grass, the fresh bread in the bakery next to the church, and the clean mountain air. I can hear the cowbells, the tractors and the churchbells. And all of this is just 25 minutes from a major city. I miss it!

This being said, German is one of the most unattractive languages that exist. I actually cringe when I hear someone I don't talk to on a regular basis speak German. When I visit Germany, I can't listen to the radio or watch TV because I just can't take it.

I never gave much thought to raising a bilingual child, I think I always expected it to come naturally. Of course I would speak to my child in my native language. Or would I?

I have to admit that I have said maybe five German sentences to Ben in the past month. I don't know why, but I can't get myself to speak German to him! Is it because the language is atrocious? Or is it because my life here is lived in English? Maybe it's because I am lazy (that's probably it).

I really think it would benefit him to grow up knowing two languages, and until I can force him to go to Korean school in three or four years, German is the only thing I can teach him.

So, as of this afternoon, I vow to only speak German with my child. Good luck to me!

Wordless Wednesday (today is Wednesday, right?)

2010-05-19T13:26:00.000-07:00

A boy and his remote

2010-05-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Today was the first time I turned on the TV since we've been home (except for that one time I tried to show Ben an episode of a German children's show that I love). I've been home all day every day and have not seen one episode of Oprah or Ellen, not to mention all of the shows I used to watch at night. Today I figured I will turn on the TV, whether or not my mom thinks it will ruin him for life. It's going to be on all day!

Four weeks ago...

2010-05-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

was our family day!

Where oh where has time gone?

In my entire life time has never flown by as quickly as it has these past weeks! I honestly don't know where the hours, days, and weeks have gone! I feel as if I am just slowly getting settled into a new normal. I cannot believe how much other people get accomplished during their first weeks home (Kim, how on earth did you plan Kyle's dol during his first month home?)

Tomorrow we have our first post placement visit. We were supposed to have it earlier this week, but they needed to find a new social worker for us and thus it was rescheduled for tomorrow. Proctastinator that I am, I have still not printed the pictures or filled out the forms. Bad habit, I know.

Today Ben had another playdate, this time with his little friend Wylie. Wylie is also from Korea and the boys are only one day apart in age! Ben did okay, as long as he was in his high chair or on my lap. Wylie however is the happiest baby I have ever seen, smiling and laughing the entire time. I really hope these two get to grow up together!

Ben is getting better and better with pulling himself up to a stand and he can now sit back down after standing up. He crawls really fast (which is scary). He still loves to eat. Time in the high chair is always happy time. He still hates the carseat. I can make it to the grocery store, but that's it. He is also still iffy on the stroller and most of the time I end up with my bag in the stroller and the baby on my arm.

Sleep is still an issue. We still co-sleep, but I'd love to have him take one nap in his crib, so I can get a little bit of stuff done around the house. I love having the Beco, but it's still hard to do stuff with 24 pounds strapped to me! Yesterday I actually got in his crib with him and he did end up napping in it. I wonder if the crib is built to hold my weight?

Meeting his future wife

2010-05-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

Today I finally met my friend Kim and her gorgeous daughter Lyla in person. Kim and I met online while waiting for our babies to come home and sent many, many emails over the months. I would say that we kept each other's sanity, but we probably just drove each other crazier ;-)

As you can see, Ben didn't do too well with his girlfriend. She actually took one of his toys and he just couldn't believe it. Poor Ben will have to grow a pair and hold on to his stuff! In midst of all of this was Casper the cat, who LOVED Lyla.

Hopefully the next playdate will go better!

Check out the Adoptive Families Newsletter

2010-05-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

http://view.exacttarget.com/?j=fe5a1673736504747c13&m=feef16767c6c03&ls=fdea1c757366037470157974&l=fec11375776c027f&s=fe3a1571756c0078741570&jb=ffcf14&ju=fe28167775660c7b741178

10 months old!

2010-05-10T04:17:00.001-07:00

My baby boy is 10 months old today!
(Note the outfit! It's hard to read, but it says Ben's Banana Stand)

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there - whether your children are home or you are still waiting to hold them in your arms.

I was showered with gifts and cards from friends and my husband and son.

Hubby was a little upset yesterday with his surprise flower delivery. Apparently he had ordered an arrangement of colorful flowers and what showed up was a bunch of broken white daisies. I thought it was hilarious! He complained and a couple of hours later the right arrangement arrived so now I have two! They even re-wrote the note, only this time it thanked me for raising our sons LOL.

This morning I got to sleep in and when I got up hubby made a delicious breakfast and Ben and daddy gave me their cards. Now my two boys are napping and I got some dishes and laundry done. Later I am hoping for a trip to Home Depot!

Even though the last couple of weeks have been kind of rough, I feel so honored and blessed that I get to be Ben's mom. It blows my mind every day that I get to see this awesome little person grow up!

I talked to my own mom this morning and wish I could see her in person today. I miss having my mom close by and I wish she could see her grandchild grow up.

Even though in Korea Mother's Day isn't celebrated (they have Parent's Day instead), I am keeping both Ben's birth and foster mothers in my thoughts today. I actually think of them every day and those two women hold a very special place in my heart.

We're having an awesome day!

2010-05-07T10:45:00.001-07:00

Ben and I are having an awesome day. He sorta slept until 6 (with the help of 4 nighttime bottles) and was in a very good mood overall today. And we're having two naps today, so I get to rest and even get some stuff done. We got our adoption announcements in the mail yesterday and I already addressed some and mailed them! So excited!

The last two days were, well, not so great. After my post on... I forget what day it was, they all blend together. Anyway, after my last post I had the trip from h*** to the nursery. After a lot of crying in the car, we got o the nursery. Meanwhile, Ben had escalated to screaming. I got him out of the car seat and nearly broke my back and went looking for a cart to set him in. No cart with seat, only pull carts available. So I put on my Beco. Which still takes me forever to figure out! Meanwhile, Ben was still screaming and people were looking at me funny. I finally got him in the Beco, but something wasn't quite right. So I took him out again. Baby was still screaming. Eventually I got it right and picked my plants and then got to the register. Ben was screaming again. The lady rang up my plants and I handed her my credit card. They don't take our brand of card. Okay, fine. I tried the next card. It expired! I gave her my last card that I know doesn't have enough money on it. Declined, of course. So I trapsed off with my screaming baby and will not return to this place out of shame. It doesn't end there. Ben screamed in his car seat almost all the way home and all of a sudden he went quiet. I thought he had died! So I pulled over to check on him and of course he was fast asleep. I am totally laughing about this now, but it wasn't so funny when it happened.

What to write, what to write...

2010-05-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

While I am exhausted at the end of the day, I find myself not being able to think of anything exciting to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I love my little Ben and it's awesome to see him learn new things every day (currently he loves to pull himself up to a stand and laugh and say "up"), but it's still quite an adjustment for me. I remember when the first of my close friends back in Germany had her first baby and all of a sudden all she could talk about was poopy diapers and other baby things and I was bored out of my mind every time we talked. So while I am still not the kind of person who can only think about baby stuff, now when I talk to my friends and parents I actually do not have anything else to talk about. Of course I want to talk about my awesome son, but oh how I'd love to have something else to talk about too!

In an effort to do something semi-productive today I am going to brave the carseat drama and venture to a nursery to buy some more plants for our yard. I can't blame the little guy for hating the car seat, especially when I try to put him in. I am way too clumsy and I am waiting for either me or him to break a bone. I finally get why people with kids have minivans!

Okay, naptime is over, off we go....

Happy Baby

2010-05-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

Another try

2010-04-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Oy, my last posting was kind of pathetic LOL

Let's try again. It's a few days later. Last night Ben Hoyoung (I still can't let go of the Hoyoung) slept from 8:30 p.m. until almost 6 a.m. this morning with only 2 bottles! Of course today he refused to nap, so we'll see how tonight goes.

He's had his initial doctor's appointment the other day and went to the lab yesterday to give blood. I was really dreading that one, but he didn't even blink. He did scream bloody murder in the car seat though. So - giving blood is okay, car seat not so much. Now we get to collect stool samples. Yummy.

We're also scheduling our first post placement visit with our social worker! I can't believe how fast time is passing. The last weeks are just one big blur. Did they really happen? It seems surreal, still.

Ben Hoyoung is practicing pulling himself up to a stand and also likes to yank on my hair and bite my fingers and then gives me the silliest giggle and wiggle. He is also still very interested in the cats' food and not giving up until he can try some one day. He does not however care for the food I make for him. He likes puffs though, which I have been using way to much to bribe him.

The house is still a mess, but I now attribute it to my husband being home from work.

All in all things are really improving around here (I hope I didn't just jinx it) and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's 2 a.m.

2010-04-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

and I've been up for 2 hours. Somehow we can't get that sleep schedule down.

It's been an exhausting week. Ben no longer needs to be carrie 24/7, which is HUGE. He is starting to get into everything. His favorite hobbies include eating paper and trying to get to the cat food.

The house is a complete mess, there is no time to do anything! And off I go - trying to console screaming baby!

We're home!

2010-04-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

Monday morning we hecticly finished packing our suitcases since we didn't get done in time on Sunday evening due to someone's sleep schedule. Then we got in our cab and off we went to the airport. I tried to soak in as much of Seoul as I could during the cab ride and as Hoyoung was sleeping in his daddy's arms, I cried some more quiet tears. I was so happy to finally be the mom of our little angel, but so sad at the same time.

Traffic was surprisingly good, but there were long lines at the airport so I am glad we left early. Our little boy drew lots of attention, and we learned that he a) hates all old people (foster mom said he hates old men, but he screamed at every old person that looked at him) and b) hates the clicking sound Koreans make to babies. All throughout the trip, starting at the airport, we got all kinds of good advice on how to stop the screaming. Like - his bib is too tight, he is not dresses warm enough, is dressed too warm, he is hunrgy, he has a wet diaper. Ugh.

Once we got to the counter, the gentleman couldn't find the reservation for the lapticket. In the meantime, Hoyoung had started screaming so my husband was politely asked to remove the baby from the ticketing area LOL.

After another long line at security we went to find water to make a bottle - all the things I hadn't thought about!

Soon it was time to board the plane, and one perk of having a baby is getting to board first!!!! Yay!
We had bulkhead seating and a bassinet, which turned out useless for Hoyoung, but good for our stuff.

The flight was long. He barely slept and wanted to be walked a lot. He did have periods of giggling and playing, but sitting on someone's lap for an extended period of time is just not comfortable!

After we arrived at Dulles, the screaming baby got us to the front of the immigration line and soon we were on our way home.

It was so strange to be home. First of all - it is so green here! Azaleas are in full bloom and it feels like summer, where Korea felt much more like winter still. The cats were very cautious around the baby, especially the one that can hear! It's hard on them that they now have to share the attention. We took an afternoon nap and then an evening nap and were up for most of the night with the baby.

Today we got a playful baby that loves his high chair (to my surprise) but hates my rice porridge! We put him down at around 10 for what we thought would be a nap but turned out to be a good day's sleep until 4. Needless to say, I slept too, while daddy ran out to Target to buy a few necessities like more wipes and diapers - and pajamas. Afterwards we went a walk and then tried out the pack'n'play, which he really enjoyed.

Overall it was a great day, but really exhausting trying to carry a squirming 24 lbs baby, feed him, change him, get things done around the house and make sure the cats don't wreak havoc on the house. At some point today Freddy was sitting in the palm tree container snacking on the plant, Casper knocked over the trash bin and the recycling bin and was taking out things from the recyling basket and placing them all over the kitchen, and Ben grabbed an openend banana and smeared it all over me and himself.

Now our life as a family begins!

Last day in Seoul

2010-04-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

First of all, it is a miracle I've been able to blog from Seoul - when I log on to blogger, everything is in Korean!

Today is our last day in Seoul. I am so sad. I have fallen in love with the city and the country and the people. I've read the same thing on so many people's blogs and I always thought it was impossible to feel such a deep connection to a place you only spent a couple of days in.

I still have some catching up to do here! Ben and daddy are finally napping, so here we go.

The day before we got Hoyoung, we walked back up the Insadong area and stopped at the Jogyesa temple, where the preparations for Buddha's birthday are underway.

Then we made our way back to Insadong, where we ordered a name chop for Ben.

We also got a name scroll and the nice lady gave us ink for free. She said "Korean baby" and gestured that it was a gift. Guess who started crying at that....

Then we tried to find a restaurant that serves grilled bulgogi and finally asked at the tourist information center. I thought every restaurant would have that (I don't know why I thought that), but only very few do. We found one though and it was delicious!

Afterwards we headed to Gyeongbokgung palace, which is huge. You could walk for hours. There were tons of schoolchildren everywhere and we were celebreties. They would come up to us and say "hi" or "hello" and giggle. One boy was especially brave and told me that I was tall and asked if I was a singer (sorry, no) and told my husband that he was very handsome. Was it rude that I broke out in giggles?

Then we headed back to Insadong to go to one of the teaplaces. We were approached by a radio team and interviewed for a local station about the tea place. As a thank you they bought us some pastries. Unfortunately that was after we had already ordered some. They were all delicious and I left feeling a little nauseous from all the food.

We wandered back to the hotel and at night ventured out in search of a suitcase. We ended up somewhere behind the Lotte department store in a maze of narrow roads, neon lights, fashion stores, and food stalls. It was brimming with young people. We ended up at a buffet restaurant that had every kind of food you could imagine and included free wine. I kept on looking at all the gorgeous young Koreans out on a date and it made me so sad that Ben will never take his beautiful date wandering through those lively streets.

It was so amazing to see! Of course we never got the suitcase that night.

It has been very tough since we got him. He cries unless he is carried. He gets into screaming fits and won't stop. He has gas, he is teething, he lost his family. He gets inconsolable. He slept in the bed with us last night, but his limbs go flying all over the place, and none of us got any sleep.

He does okay when we're out and about, so he already went sightseeing with us.

I have such a hard time to put into words how amazing this experience has been. It is so emotional. It's sad and it's wonderful. It's heartbreaking to see our boy scream his lungs out, but it makes my heart almost hurt with happiness to see him smile.

To those waiting, as impossible as it seems, as you get closer to travel, enjoy the wait, enjoy the anticipation. This is the most amazing thing you will experience, soak in every second! One day, just like that, it will be over. As happy as I am about beginning a new chapter in our lives, including our baby, there is definitely some sense of sadness about this journey being over.

Family Day

2010-04-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the day we had waited for for so long - and the day that I dreaded in the end - was finally here. Just to repeat myself one more time, it's still surreal to even be in Seoul, never mind getting the baby we dreamed of.

In the morning we bought a bouquet of flowers for the foster mom, I did not want her to leave empty handed. Then we had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts. They're on every corner, you can't escape. And then we walked down to Seoul Station to purchase an additional suitcase for all the stuff we had gotten while in Seoul and some groceries at the Lotte Mart. We made our way back to the hotel, changed, and then headed back out to grab some lunch and then get on the subway towards SWS. I ended up wearing the same outfit as I did the day we got our referral!

We arrived about 45 minutes early, and walked the neighborhood and got some sparkling lemonade at the same place we had lunch with Gary and Lisa just two days earlier.

About 20 minutes before 2 we went into SWS and were asked to wait in a room with two big couches. There was another couple in the other room getting their baby, and the foster mom was pacing the big office and crying. There were also tons of other foster moms and babies at SWS that day, probably for the medical checkups.

Finally, I saw Hoyoung's foster mom and Hoyoung in a stroller. She came into the room and put down lots of bags. She took Hoyoung out of the stroller and turned her back to us and started crying. That's when I lost it and started sobbing too.

The social worker then said that he will have his medical checkup and for us to please wait. We waited. When they came back, the foster mom and the social worker sat down on the couch opposite of us. We asked some more questions, and the social worker showed us the paperwork and the gifts from SWS and then the foster mom showed us some more outfits she had brought. She also brought yoghurt, bananas, strawberries, and some home made rice porridge that he eats every day. She broke out in tears every couple of minutes (which was my cue to cry). My husband started to cry as well.

We went over his daily routine one more time and she told us once more that he loves to be carried on her back. She also pointed out again how beautiful his eyes are.

We asked the social worker if the foster mom wanted to know anything from us, and she just said that she just asks us to love Hoyoung and take care of him. More sobbing ensued.

Meanwhile, the baby was getting very tired. It was past his naptime and he was hungry.

The social worker called a cab for us, and the foster mom fed one more bottle.

Then the social worker said it was time to say good-bye and that we would say good-bye at the elevator. We walked towards the elevator and when the doors opened, she told the foster mom to hand me the baby. She gave the baby to me, I got in the elevator, and all I could hear was her loud sobs. It was truly one of the most difficult moments of my life.

We got in the cab, the social worker told him where we were going, and off we went. At first, Hoyoung seemed happy, but after a minute or two he realized that Omma wasn't there, and he started screaming.

At the hotel, we gave him a bottle, and then he cried himself to sleep for a short nap. He screamed on and off until he went to sleep in the hotel crib at 11 and slept through until 5 this morning when it was time for another bottle.

The most magical moment was when we fed him a banana. Daddy was holding him and I was feeding him little bits of fruit. He kept on looking at us and holding on to both of us and gave us a wonderful smile.

It hurts so much to see him so hurt. I am so sad that he doesn't get to grow up in this beautiful country. I am sad for all that he has lost. I hope we can be the kind of parents he needs to grow up happy and healthy. We are so in love with the little guy.

We met Hoyoung!

2010-04-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am neglecting the blog, but we're busy busy busy.

Yesterday was AMAZING.
We rode the very crowded subway (twice someone helped us with directions) - being like sardines has a whole new meaning and then found our way to SWS. Have I mentioned it's cold here? LOL.

There we were sent to the top floor to the intercountry adoptions department. We asked for our social worker and were asked to take a seat. She came out and we handed her our present and then did some more waiting on the couch. It was so surreal to actually be at SWS!
Then I got to meet my online friend Lisa and her husband! It turned out that our foster families lived close together, so we shared a van ride to meet our babies.
The driver actually ended up getting lost in the neighborhood our foster family lives in, so we drove in circles several times. Our social worker made some phone calls and finally she gestured us to get out. We stood in the street for a couple of seconds and then this woman comes out of one of the houses. I didn't even recognize her at first! It turned out to be Ben's foster mom and she was wearing a sleeping baby on her back - our son! I keep on using the word "surreal" - but that's what this was.
We went upstairs and the foster mom pointed at us and said "umma" and "appa" - that's us! We then spent some time on the floor with little Hoyoung. He is amazing! He is HUGE and he likes to eat. At some point the foster mom served us frozen persimmons and strawberries and Hoyoung was really enjoying the food. He gets a bottle every 3 hours but only wakes up once a night for a bottle. He goes to sleep at 11 and wakes at 10. He is really really strong and kept on bouncing. He also chewed on my hands. Little teeth hurt!
We got to ask some questions, but I felt like the foster mom was saying a lot of things about him that weren't translated. It went by so quickly! It was amazing to see where he lived for the past couple of months, and also made me realize how hard it will be to take him away from all of this.

Okay, more later, the husband is rushing me! Last day without baby!

It's almost spring in Seoul

2010-04-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I am a tiny little bit disappointed that the trees are still mostly bare and that it was 43 degrees today. Other than that - it's so great here!

We left the hotel at around 7:30 this morning and walked up towards the Bukchon area, which is a traditional neighborhood that is on a hill overlooking Seoul.

My scarf looks like this because it was wrapped around my head most of the morning. Have I mentioned it's kinda cold?

We then made our way to Insadong, where we stopped for a coffee and some mystery pastries. Then I spent some money on a beautiful painting. We have to go back either tomorrow or the day after, I forgot to buy a name chop for Ben, and also have to get some traditional pottery and wedding ducks.

After Insadong we came to a really cool park, which of course I don't remember what it is called.

We kept on walking and eventually ended up at the Lotte Department Store. It was very nice, but clearly we are not their target customers.

After some more walking we had lunch at a traditional Korean restaurant (where you sit on the floor), and unfortunately they brought us the wrong food and we couldn't say anything. It was good though (at least I thought so).

We walked some more and discovered that we were at Namdaemun market. Where they sell fake Burberry bags. I now own a new hand bag.

And then we made our way back to the hotel - it was 3 p.m. and we had been walking all day. On the way home we caught the changing of the guard at one of the palaces.

We're here!

2010-04-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

We arrived yesterday evening around 5 local time after 14 hours on a plane. There's really not much that can be said about sitting on a plane for 14 hours. Korean Air was really great and made the trip bearable. The first 9 hours weren't even that bad, but then it got really uncomfortable. They served lots of food and I ended up watching 5 movies. Other than that, there's nothing to say. The airport in Seoul is great, so clean, and I couldn't believe my eyes that there were NO LINES at immigration.

We took the KAL Limousine (the name is misleading - it's a bus) to the city. We bought the tickets for that on the plane at a 20% discount. It was about 45 minutes until we got to the center of Seoul. We then trecked across Seoul with our suitcases in tow (okay, it wasn't that bad, just a couple of blocks, but it was rush hour and lots of people just got out of work). Oh yeah, if you're looking for me - I am the only person in Seoul in jeans! They weren't kidding when they said that people here dress up.

Our hotel is awesome! It's actually a corporate apartment, so we have a living room and bedroom and a small kitchen. It's all very, very nice. I wish I had this kind of closet space at home!

We ate at the hotel restaurant last night (I had bulgogi salad) and then I was fast asleep by 8.

Today we were up by 4 a.m. and are putzing around our little place. Can't wait for the Western style breakfast buffet at 6:30 and then some exploring of Seoul. Of course we caught a cold spell - today has a high of 43!!!! I foresee lots of shopping of mittens and hats.

Today is the last of our lives without knowing our son.

Happy 9 months baby boy!

2010-04-10T03:11:00.000-07:00

Today my baby is 9 months old. It's the last milestone we're missing. He will be in our arms in 6 more days.

What a week it has been!

Last weekend I was nesting like crazy. We had temperatures in the 90's and while I really wanted to sit on my deck, we were pretty busy. We spent a lot of time at Target, the crib was delivered, we painted that old dresser, I cleaned, I washed, I organized. At that point I had no idea our travel call would come Monday.
Monday morning I had this feeling that it would be THE day. It sounds weird, but at some point I took a deep breath and just felt we were going to get TC that day. Of course then I was a little confused when the husband called DC and there was no picture. That wasn't part of my plan.
I told my co-worker "no travel call today". I sent an email to a friend saying "no picture". One minute later the phone rang with my travel call. Our wonderful coordinator was calling from home to let us know that Ben was ready! Of course I screamed in her ear. I have no idea what she told me over the phone! I called the husband who left work to go home where all of our travel information was. In the meantime, all the ladies in the office gathered to make long lists of things I still need.
Well, we got travel booked and leave TOMORROW. I am surprised we actually waited this long, but I was simply not prepared at work.
This whole week has been a blur. I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator. I still have some work I need to get done today.
Thursday was my surprise baby shower at work. The ladies got lucky that we actually stayed around this week! I was overwhelmed by the thoughtful presents little Ben received.

It is so surreal that this is happening. You wait and you wait and you wait, and one day the wait is over. I can't believe that I'm going to meet my baby. I just can't wrap my head around it. What a journey it's been!

As we count down the days to meeting our son, we are keeping his foster family in our thoughts. They are spending their last week with this baby that they have loved and taken care of over the last couple of months. How hard this time must be for them.

TRAVEL CALL!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-05T07:25:00.001-07:00

The husband called DC today and they said they didn't see his picture. 5 minutes later I got a call from our agency saying he is ready to come home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Imaginary Friend

2010-04-03T04:23:00.000-07:00

I think about our son's birth mother a lot. Where does she live, what does she do, how does she feel about placing her son? I am so incredibly sad for her that she won't see this precious boy grow up. I could never imagine what she felt when she placed him, but it breaks my heart just trying to imagine. I could also never imagine how she feels now, I just hope she was able to find some sort of peace, even though I am not sure if that is possible.

We're lucky to have a good bit of information about her, but somehow for me it's not enough. I wish there was more, I wish it was more specific. It's enough to conjure up a picture of her in my mind, but I admit that my image of her is probably completely wrong. You just can't sum up a person on a single piece of paper.
If someone described me in three words it could be that I like reading, sleeping, and eating, or it could be that I love traveling, sightseeing, and photography. One is making me sound a little more boring than the other. Both are correct, but incomplete.
Anyway, I have successfully managed to create a fantasy of what I believe she must be like, and I have developed a deep desire to meet her. In my head we would be best friends, which I intellectually know would most likely not happen in real life. How could she ever want to be friends with the woman who is raising her child?

I hope that maybe, one day, we will get to meet. Maybe, one day, she will be able to see her son.

Insanity

2010-03-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we spent all day looking at daycares. I was absolutely exhausted by the afternoon - and we were nowhere near done. The places ranged from horrific (at least to me) to okay to "I want to go to daycare here". One place was absolutely awesome, it had heated wooden floors, skylights, a garden, and was just amazing all around. Unfortunately it was too far out of the way for us, which I am so sad about. But there was one more place we loved, the kids there seemed so happy and all the caregivers were really nice. And - this is a HUGE plus to me - I loved their meal plan. They have meals from all over the world instead of just serving hamburgers and chicken fingers (yeah, I am a food snob). We're getting on the waitlist for some of the places we saw (NOT for the one next to the rehab center for juvenile delinquents) and hopefully we can get into our top pick.

Today I called DC to find out that our P3 was sent yesterday. Then I found out that my waiting buddy got her travel call - absolutely unexpected. It's a good thing we bought clothes for the boys this weekend. And then I found out that a waiting buddy on the Holt board with very similar dates to us is getting super close to TC (you know who you are). And then I found out that the ministry in Korea will not be issuing any EPs for the entire month of April. So here I am going from "Where is MY travel call" to "I am not ready" to "Please let him have EP". I am absolutely going insane. I can't concentrate on anything other than analyzing people's timelines. I know that most people who are not with SWS have a much longer wait, but with all other SWS families traveling so fast, it would kill me to have to wait longer.

I know I just did a whole post about how wonderful this is and how I will miss being in process yadayadayada, but I am ready for this insanity to end!

NVC out

2010-03-29T12:20:00.001-07:00

That means that now I will be stalking DC.

Vorfreude ist die schoenste Freude

2010-03-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that this was written by someone who believes she is maybe 3 weeks away from travel. This would not have been written if I thought that I have much more than that to go. I will take it all back if we have to wait longer.

There's a saying in Germany "Vorfreude ist die schoenste Freude", which loosely translates to "The joy of anticipation is the greatest joy" and it's true. I am giddy with excitement that we are getting closer to Ben being home. I wake up in the morning and think of all the things we need to do before he comes home and am full of anticipation. Almost every sentence out of the husband's mouth starts with "When little HoYoung is here....". I spent the entire day yesterday out with my waiting buddy looking at Hanboks, Dol Towers, Korean grocery stores and then at clothes for the boys and gifts for the foster family. Then I went out shopping for Ben clothes with the husband.

This adoption process really is quite something. People refer to it as a rollercoaster ride, and that's exactly what it is. I've had some low points (like when I was frantic for an entire week because I was convinced our legals were getting lost in the snowstorm) , but boy do the high points make up for that.

There's nothing like hearing that progress is being made. It is an incredible rush to hear that something was submitted or approved. We're not home free yet, I am sure I will have another meltdown (or two) along the way, but ever since we heard that our I-600 was approved, I am on a total high. I am finding myself writing in CAPS A WHOLE LOT MORE. I'm on a total adrenaline rush. There is no other feeling in the world like this.

I am truly having the time of my life. We are so close (I think)!

It is so strange to think that we've almost made it. For over 1.5 years I have been thinking about this adoption all day, every day. There was always that next milestone to look forward to, always another high. This entire time I thought I hated "the process", but now I realize that I am actually enjoying this a whole lot more than I wanted to admit to myself. I think a little part of me is going to miss being in process.

Your call is very important to us. We are looking forward to speaking with YOU.

2010-03-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Of course I couldn't wait to call NVC, so much of the day today was spent listening to above message. Unfortunately work kept on getting in the way, so I had to hang up and call back several times without getting through.

I was a little surprised when I finally got a person on the line. She seemed a little confused when she asked for a casenumber and I didn't have one. I told her I was looking for my I-600 and she asked me for the petitioner's name and DOB and the child's name and DOB and then read my husband's phone number, so I knew they had our I-600. She said they received it yesterday! I almost forgot to ask for the casenumber :-)

They're open until midnight, so I might call back to see if we're logged out. I am completely obsessed!

I-171 received

2010-03-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well, a week after approval we got our I-171 in the mail. I did a happy dance out in the street :-)

On Monday I am going to start stalking NVC!

Ben's Room

2010-03-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

If you were expecting some sort of designer nursery, this will be a huge letdown. The room looks like something has thrown up in it - and this time it was the baby store, not the cats.

Also, please excuse the quality of the pictures, snapping a photo with my phone is so much more convenient than taking a quality shot with my SLR.

The crib is expected to arrive in another 2 weeks - woohoo. So my dream of having the baby home before the crib won't come true.

I still have to paint that dresser, that is something that's been on my to-do list for about 10 years, ever since I got that thing. It's been through 8 or 9 moves!

I am a stalker

2010-03-20T04:09:00.000-07:00

I've seen a similar post on a few of my bloggy friends' blogs, so this may just be completely normal.

Adoption has turned me into a stalker.

Other than filling out paperwork correctly, we have no control over anything in this process.

In theory, I could just wait until one day out of the blue we get that phone call saying our son is ready to come home.

But the control freak in me can't. Instead, I am obsessed with other people's timelines. I try to guess when every step will happen for us based on what I know about others. Which of course is impossible, because with adoption, timeframes aren't that predictable and things tend to happen that delay quite a few of us. Only it's always something different. For one person it may be a delayed I600, for another lost paperwork. Some of us will wait forever on EP, and others on the visa medical. There are general timeframes, but predicting my own timeline until travel might be almost impossible. But that doesn't mean that I will stop trying.

Now I'm off to see if anyone has updated their timeline on the Holt BB.

Another Happy Friday

2010-03-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

It was another amazing week with tons of great news! My friend Kim is waiting at the airport as we speak to get on that plane to Korea. My IRL friend with my agency was told that she will have I-600 approval today and should be on her way to Korea soon. Kimberly (Kyle's mommy) is in Korea right now. And - it's 70 degrees and sunny!!! Happy, happy, happy!!!

I-600 approval!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

I emailed our USCIS office today (even though per our agency I'm not really supposed to) and asked about the status of our application.

As I am on a demo for a new software my work is interested in, I get an email from USCIS that our I-600 was approved yesterday and will be mailed next week!!!!!!!!!!!

So I send my co-worker a rambling email and run to her cube and signal her to read it and we both freak out and the poor vendor on the other line thinks we're complete idiots. I do not remember anything about that product LOL.

I think and talk about you all day long

2010-03-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right USCIS lady, I'm talking about you.

Surprise Baby Shower!

2010-03-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went to visit the husband's family that lives about four hours away. His parents just recently vistited us, so to be perfectly honest I wasn't too thrilled about going there. My husband convinced me that this might be the only weekend we would be available before Ben comes home.
We got there and met my in-laws at an Olive Garden (which I HATE), then all of a sudden he started talking about having to buy running shorts at a sporting goods store. If looks could kill, he wouldn't be alive today. We went to a Dick's store and he started looking at EVERYTHING in that store. Soccer shirts, canoes, shoes, hiking gear... Every 10 minutes I would nag saying that it was extremly rude to his mom to spend all this time in a store when we were just visiting for two days. Well, we finished up at this store, and then he dragged me to the town center to look for a gift for his mom!

Finally we headed back to the house and I saw a car pulling up in front of us and my friend and her mother-in-law got out (who is my MIL's best friend). I didn't think much of it, since there are always random people at MIL's house.

Well, I went into the living room, and the room was decorated in blue and there was a gorgeous cake that had my name on it! It was a total surprise and so sweet of my mother-in-law. Hopefully someone will send me pictures, since I was not prepared to take any!

It was a wonderful afternoon and I abandoned my no-sugar-for-lent policy and had some chocolate fondue and the very yummy lemon cake. I was very hyper after that.

It meant so much to me that these people, some of whom I didn't even know, came together to celebrate the impending arrival of our son.

Happy Friday!

2010-03-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, and I am happy. Over all, it's been a good week in adoption world.
My bloggy friend Susan finally got her referral (I am so thrilled), a fellow SWS waiting buddy is getting close to TC, and I am now sure that it will not be 6 months until travel, since my friend who is with our agency and only 2 weeks ahead of us was told today that her baby is ready on the Korean side and they are now only waiting on our sucky USCIS office for the I-600 approval.

My World is Changing

2010-03-11T12:10:00.000-08:00

I knew this would happen, I just wasn't sure when. In the midst of aching for our son to come home, I am slowly starting to panic about becoming a mother. Actually, the panic set in as we were standing at Lowes and I was eyeing a chaise for our patio when the husband asked me when I planned on using this. I said "You know, in the summer" and he started to laugh and pointed out that I would probably not be sitting or lying down again - ever.

How am I supposed to be a MOTHER? How can they let me be responsible for another human being?
Did we really think this through? And - am I really that old?
What is wrong with sleeping in, going on spontaneous trips (well, semi-spontaneous, since the husband likes to plan things in minute detail), eating out, and saving for retirement? What's wrong with not having to deal with diapers and meltdowns? What is wrong with not having a teenager who tells you he hates you? What is wrong with doing whatever we feel like doing?

Will I have to stop eating junk food in front of the TV (a habit I acquired after moving to the US) and what about all the inappropriate things I say?

I still don't really have a clue what it will actually be like to be a mom, but slowly it's starting to sink in that this really is going to be a major life change. Just like everyone says.

I finally followed the advice of some felllow AP's and bought "What to expect - the toddler years" and was almost surprised to read that there are other issues than attachment and transition related challenges. Yes, you may laugh at me. I'm getting a little worried about what I will actually do with Ben. How do you entertain a toddler? In my fantasy I imagine us taking walks in the woods near our house, Ben playing in a sandbox, and me reading to him on a rainy day. We'll take him to the beach and the mountains, we'll picnic near the Capitol and explore the Smithsonians. I am clearly delusional!

This cutie pie is 8 months old today

2010-03-10T10:40:00.000-08:00

We love and miss you little Ben!

Baby Steps

2010-03-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

We received a notification from our local USCIS office that they received our I600. I am so upset with USCIS for adding 3 weeks to the processing time for this paperwork by routing it across the USA.
But hey, at least they got it. Now let's hope they don't lose it!

Ah, the things you get for paying insane taxes

2010-03-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

Now, years after I have left, and they're well into their thirties, my friends in Germany are finally starting to procreate and/or get married. So we finally have a commonality again that's been missing for several years. Only becoming a mother in Germany is a little different than becoming a mother in the US. Here's a recent conversation with one of my friends.

Friend: "So are you taking one year or three years off work?"
Me: hysterical laughter... coughing... "Um. I can stay home for 12 weeks. Unpaid of course."
Friend: silence

You see, in Germany your employer has to keep a position open for you for three years. And during that first year, you still get 70% of your income. I almost want to cry every time I think about that, but then I remember looking at my paystub at the end of each month to find that 60% of my pay miraculously disappeared. Still, how nice would that be? Sometimes I miss Germany :-)